What Adoptees Wish Others Would Say About Searching
The reactions of my family members hurt and I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t back me searching for my birth mother. My husband said, “Sherrie, she shut the door 47 years ago and if you try to open it, you may get hurt.” Translating what my Dad might have been thinking…well, I don’t know. I can’t judge.
Please understand how important finding our roots is to many adoptees…I dare say the majority! It has nothing to do with your parenting success or failure. It is a part of us we must discover. That is the book title of well-respected author, speaker, and reunited birth mom, Lee Ezell– “The Missing Piece.” Listen to her incredible birth mother and adoptee reunion story here: http://youtu.be/EaR9KdLdwAU
Even though we may look strong and ready, please remember we are petrified to get up on big wing of God, the great Eagle. To let him have his way in our lives. To give up control. We are just squawking baby eaglets when we get in touch with our desire to search. Those meltdowns are proof we are in touch with the original pain of losing our first family. Ouch. I don’t like you. I don’t like being adopted. You are real. I can’t wait to get away from you. Leave me alone. I don’t need you.
Let us feel the pain! It’s how we prepare for flying from our past. Rest assured, those who love an adoptee, that is common in the healthiest of adoptive parents to feel threatened. A counselor who specializes in adoption/trauma issues would be such a asset for both parents and searching adoptees.
What we wish others who love us would say and do:
1. I’m not surprised. Your birth parents are very important and we will back you.
2. I hope you will “count the cost” and make sure you are in a healthy place emotionally and spiritually to discover the worst or the best.
3. I am with you, no matter what happens. I have always loved you and that will never change.
4. How can I help?
5. Show compassion!
6. You can do it. I’ve got your back.
7. I am praying for you every step of the way.
8. Would you like to go through a workbook called Under His Wings together, or by yourself? It will help you get even stronger before you meet your birth family.
Please stay in touch and would you mind “liking” this new blog?