When I returned from my reunion with my birth mother twenty years ago and called to thank her for the visit, she announced to me that she wanted no more contact. Twenty years ago, there wasn’t anything written about this experience and I felt so ashamed and was sure the rejection was because of something I did.
So, for fellow adoptees who are struggling with rejection, here are a few tips:
• Know that you are not alone.
• Rejection by birth mothers is common amongst adoptees even though the media doesn’t report
• You didn’t do anything wrong.
• You didn’t cause your birth mother to reject you. No one can make another person do anything!
• You are not her. Just because she closed her heart doesn’t mean your personality and character are like her. Your are your own person.
• Get connected with other adoptees who will support you (email@example.com)
• Give your broken, disappointed heart to God and ask him to glue your soul back together.
• Walk with your head high on Mother’s Day, knowing that you faced and experienced your greatest fear and came through whole.
Even though my birth mother was unable to receive the love I longed to give her, and even though she has passed away, I still have a deep love for her. I wish I could tell her:
• I am bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh.
• You were a voice for me when I had no voice.
• Your choice to carry me saved me from death.
• You gave me the gift of birth and I want to thank you.
• You did the very best you could for me under very difficult circumstances.
• I admire your courage for continuing your pregnancy amidst stigma and shame.
• There is a special place in my heart reserved for you that can’t be filled by anyone else.
• I often wonder why you couldn’t be my mom. A letter would help me understand.
• Every tangible evidence of your love that can be passed onto me in the growing-up years will help me feel connected to you.
• I have a lot of anger at you, which is indicative of how much I miss you.
• My deepest fantasy is to be held in your arms.
• I think about you every day.
• I love hearing people say I look like you or my voice sounds like yours.
• I think about you on my birthdays and wonder if you are thinking about me.
• My love for you is bone deep.
(Reprints are permitted. Please give credit: SherrieEldridge.com)