Dear birth mom,
I know you didn’t plan me and you are living through a crisis, but will you please take care of yourself?
You see, I can tell whether you love me or not. I will have my first conversation ever with you in the last trimester of your pregnancy.
Please love me sacrificially, even if you’ve chosen not to parent.
Expose me to soothing music, rub your tummy and tell me you love me, and read words from the Bible to me.
Get me ready for my adoptive parents this way.
It is the greatest gift you can give to me, yourself, and them.
Thanks to science, we now have a deeper glimpse into our Creator’s heart that cherish’s birth mothers and their sacrificial gift in adoption….and for the child that is adopted.
We all know from Dr. Thomas Verny in The Secret Life of the Unborn Child that:
~the birth mother’s heartbeat and warmth of her body makes the baby feel safe
~the birth mother’s emotional tone sets the child’s emotional landscape while in utero
~the unborn child knows whether he is wanted by the birth mother
~the unborn baby has her first conversation with her birth mother during the last trimester of pregnancy
Yes, the above facts are amazing…but now, listen to this:
V.K. Gadi, associate professor at the University of Washington says that, “Doctors have known for years that mothers and babies exchange blood during pregnancy and childbirth.”
Birth mothers don’t totally lose their children. They actually carry them close.
Researchers are also finding that birth mothers carry some of their children’s cells for years or decades after pregnancy. Emerging research suggests that the cells left behind oftentimes act like stem cells, repairing current or future wounds in the mother.
How encouraging to this me to know that part of me helped heal part of my birth mother, Elizabeth. What a perfect example of our forever connection, made by God himself.
Please share your response to this marvelous news!
The longer I walk this journey called adoption, the stronger my belief is that the key–the whole key–to being healthy and thriving, to having a cup brimming over with joy, is to learn to forgive.
How I wish I would have known some of the things I’ve learned lately about forgiveness and reconciliation. In Dr. Henry Townsend’s book Forgiving the Unforgivable, he clarifies the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
Forgiveness is an act of obedience for Christians. Reconciliation, however, is not the same as forgiveness. Reconciliation is an option for those like myself who met a cruel birth mother. We don’t need to keep trying to reconcile. I came to the conclusion with my mother that I was banging my head against a brick wall. We don’t have to do that, fellow adoptees!
We can shake the dust off our feet and go on with an overflowing cup….as in “my cup runneth over.”
Dr. Townsend gives about a ten-question quiz about forgiveness. It’s true/false. I’ll be sharing some of that next week!
In the meantime, stay well and safe!
To leave a reply, scroll down below verbiage to the black box.
If our adoption glass is half empty, we’ll be growing something in our hearts that is downright malicious. Something unseen and destructive. Something that keeps us from growing and moving toward maturity. Something that keeps us looking at life in a distorted way.
We will fight for our rights to be heard and even become somewhat militaristic. We will make loss our focus and all the while, we will be growing a deep root of bitterness inside, resulting in anger, rage, depression, guilt, and self-loathing. Not a pretty picture or healthy life.
I propose becoming “fair and balanced.” Of course there is loss involved in adoption, but for every loss, there is a gain. The deepest losses should produce the highest gains.
Just for fun, trying reversing the loss issues in your life and see if you can make a list of gains.
You may be pleasantly surprised when you’re done!
And, how I would love it if you shared some gains here (black box way down after verbiage).
If you were to appraise your perspective on adoption in general, would your cup be half empty or half full?
We’ve done such a good job in the adoption community defining the primal wound, the profound wound, the hard place, the trauma…but do we need to stay there?
It seems to me that the adoption community at large is at the half empty place and quite content to be there.
After all, it does feel good to have our wounds validated. At least we know we’re not crazy!
But are we to stay stuck in that place of woundedness forever?
From all I’ve been learning researching my upcoming book, the answer to that question is an absolute “no!” We are not meant to stay half empty. We are to move on.
The wound is the dark night of the soul, the rite of passage, that we must go through to reach maturity…and we all want that.
Where are you?
Is your glass half empty or full?
Share your thoughts here, okay?
(Scroll down past all the verbiage to the black box–that is the share box!)
Likely, there is an adoptee or foster child that you love. That's why you stopped by, right?
For more than two decades, I've had the privilege of writing and speaking about adoption and my passion is to help the non-adopted world see adoption through the eyes of adopted and foster children.