If you were to appraise your perspective on adoption in general, would your cup be half empty or half full?
We’ve done such a good job in the adoption community defining the primal wound, the profound wound, the hard place, the trauma…but do we need to stay there?
It seems to me that the adoption community at large is at the half empty place and quite content to be there.
After all, it does feel good to have our wounds validated. At least we know we’re not crazy!
But are we to stay stuck in that place of woundedness forever?
From all I’ve been learning researching my upcoming book, the answer to that question is an absolute “no!” We are not meant to stay half empty. We are to move on.
The wound is the dark night of the soul, the rite of passage, that we must go through to reach maturity…and we all want that.
Where are you?
Is your glass half empty or full?
Share your thoughts here, okay?
(Scroll down past all the verbiage to the black box–that is the share box!)
You know Sherrie……..I have realised that some people can live with a wound that is so deep tht it actually consumes and shapes every area of their lives. An adoption, relinquishment, seperation at birth etc stands amongst those wounds as being one of the deepest……as we come to realise………how many years on your own journey to get to to the place you are now……has it consumed you in different ways and me…….. It is impossible i would say to understand the blessings of God…as we look always thru this wound…….Quote:…..”God’s blessings in my life were obscured by the emotions that kept me bound. My perspective was like a photograph that has its focus too sharply on one subject and causes everything else to be a blurred version of what the camera eye is trying to capture”.
I found that when emotions are internalized for so long – that tho present physically – i was not able to fully enjoy participationg in loved ones, in activities that should bring joy and fullfillment becasue my mind and emotions are far away…..possibly detached at initial wounding?
i had never really faced the tremendous sense of loss and abandonment I experienced when i was left in that hopspital after birth nor the time spent in the care system awaiting someone to want me…..this little mixed race child……no bodys child………its not that as an adoptee or foster child of the state years back that i wanted to live my life always dwelling in the same place……it was recognizing that at the point of my foster mothers death and following months…..i had to face the long years of origional pain and wounding that was still shaping my life 50 years on………and learning how to let go…..learning to reframe every step of healing and walk in a differnt mindset…….to allow myself to be as whole as i can be………and not be like a dog that keeps returning to its vomit……as the proverb says………..its knowing that even in reunion if it happens and is good…….that the gaps in my life will never be filled humanly at best……and that the wound that is so deep can only be healed by and in the love of God…….and then i can open myself up to live more fully in the present with those who have always shown me love…..yet i was still looking thru the camera of the lens that was distorted………its seems a lifelong journey at times……..to walk taller every day…….and allow the myself to beleive and to know I am loved….i am wanted….my life has sense and purpose…….and no matter how good our adoptive families can be………our hearts will only truly find its rest in Thee……………….in my opinion………shefalie
Shef….wow…what a thoughtful and insightful piece you wrote. Thank you for sharing your journey in such depth. I am sure that many an adoptee will be comforted and encouraged by your words.
True, neither you nor I have been in this blessed place for our entire journey, but I wonder if we had someone, perhaps an adoptee who knows God, mentor us, that we wouldn’t have been so obsessed with the wound.
There is no “balance” in the world of adoption right now (my perspective). People are either obsessing over the depth of the wound or are shouting that there is no wound.
You are so right….the only place we can find rest is in the love of God….(in my opinion!)