What Reuniting Adoptees Need to Hear from Birth Relatives

Experts say that when birth mothers and their children reunite, it is like one thousand emotions all at once. Supposedly, both return to the place of separation.

Yikes, talk about vulnerability!

Everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing, for we all know that words can hurt or heal. We tiptoe around “on eggshells.”

Thus, it is helpful for all if to craft “first words” before meeting one another. It might even be a good idea to role play before the actual reunion.

Looking back, I’m sharing some of the words and phrases my birth family members said to me that built me up.

Edifying Words


1. Rejection is not in my vocabulary.
2. I don’t do “half” anything–“You’re my sis and that’s it.”
3. You can try to get rid of us, but we won’t go away.
4. You’re a (last name of birth family) now and we’ll never disown you.
5. Your voice sounds just like your mother’s.
6. Sis, you are so beautiful.
7. Giving every bit of genealogy possible.
8. Your grandparents would have been so proud of you. They would have loved you so much.

Which statement do you like the best?
Is there one that doesn’t set right with you? Tell us why.
Add some of your faves.



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