Words that Trigger Trauma in Adoptees

Dear friends through adoption,

Cognitive dissonance occurs automatically and involuntarily for many adoptees, but adoptive parents and other people in an adopted child’s life can inadvertently trigger mixed feelings.

I believe that for the most part, the following types of statements are well-intentioned and borne from ignorance. Nevertheless…we need to know what they are so the adoptee can be helped with repercussions.

I don’t like to be told I am special. It’s like I just can’t be me.

Words and Statements That Can Produce Painful Feelings

  1. 1. How do you fix her hair?
  2. Are they twins?
  3. You’re going to adopt another black child?
  4. You’re fulfilling the Biblical mandate to adopt
  5. Your birth mother loved you so much that she gave you to us.
  6. You were chosen.
  7. Count your blessings.
  8. You are special.
  9. We love you just like our own.
  10. You belong.

And, so for the adoptee, the choice would be what? Look at the list of choices in the menu bar at the top of this site.

Choice #4: To claim both the painful and positive emotions as valid and verbalize them.

Hoping this post is helpful to you!

 

 

 

This is an excerpt from 20 Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make. Purchase here:

http://sherrieeldridge.com/shop/

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