Do Adoptees Have A High Pain Tolerance?

Adoptees and High Pain Tolerance

“Ouch!” I almost screamed, as the chiropractor began deep muscle massage.

Now, I’m not one to scream…even when delivering babies.

In fact, I take pride in my high pain tolerance.

I think I’m tough and can handle almost anything.

Well, not today on the chiropractor’s bench.

A month ago, I had a horrific fall on our slippery front porch. I landed with my legs split and my head in the bushes.

Since then, I’ve had X-rays of knee and hip, gone to a knee replacement guy to make sure I didn’t dislodge replacements, and iced my knee when I think of it.

The real reason I went to the chiropractor was to find out if it was still okay to box. That’s it.  I thought I had already conquered the worst of the fall injuries.

However, when the massage therapist began deep muscle massage on the tendon and MLC, that was when I almost screamed.

As I left the therapy session, I thought about something I once learned: “Those with a high pain tolerance are in a lot of pain.”

Really? It doesn’t mean we’re tough as nails?

No, unfortunately. It means we are in denial, big time.

Then, I thought about this principle in regard to adoption.

I bet many adoptees think they are tough. After all, we had to be to survive traumatic loss. But we tackled all the issues and gone to a gazillion therapists.

How can we walk through this journey with unbelievable pain that we aren’t even aware of?

We forget that adoption is a lifelong journey and that we may run into unexpected trauma along the way. A birth mother rejects us, we feel we don’t belong in our adoptive family, we have non-existent self-esteem and worth. Trauma continues.

However, to deny the pain as I have with my porch injury is not smart.

But, where can we go?

Are there chiropractors for adoption?

Of course not.

But, we do have one another. And, I still believe that an hour with a fellow adoptee is worth more than months of therapy.

So, let’s not allow ourselves to get to the screaming point.

Let’s tell one another where we’re hurting and allow ourselves to be nurtured deep in our adoptee muscles.

#14: CHOICE:  To choose to accept our limits and be nurtured.

 

 

 

 

An Adoptee’s Search for the Missing Face

Finding the MIssing FAce

An adoptee searches for a face in a crowd that resembles her own.

If we could only see the face of the lost birth mother/father, the hurt would magically disappear. The grief would be resolved and the life-long repercussions of traumatic adoption loss would be mitigated.

Oops…adoptee fantasy.

True, those who have found the missing face through reunion have experienced much healing. Seeing that missing face brings validation and healing.

But, there is more.

There is still that deep searching within the adoptee heart.

Ask any who have found the missing face if the healing is complete.

Does an adoptee automatically feel “unadopted?”

No, the adoptee is just red-faced when asked.

Though we may search, reunite, and even enjoy one another, there is still an ache within for another missing face.

Ecclesiastes 3: 11 says, “He has put eternity into mans’s heart.”

It is the face of the One in whose image we were created. The face of the One who loved us so much that He died for us. It is the face of Jesus Christ.

The moment we see Him face to face in heaven, every need will be satisfied, every tear wiped away.

Perhaps, David was referring to this when he penned the words of Psalm 17:15?

“And I–in righteousness will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.”

Exodus 33:11 says there was only one person in the course of history who didn’t have to wait until heaven to see God face to face.

How interesting that the person was Moses, an adoptee.

 

Why Do Many Adoptees Feel Guilty?

Get Rid of False Guilt

Dear friends through adoption,
Many of us adoptees suffer from haunting guilt. Oh, we won’t tell you about it, but it’s there, like a sticky shadow.

Guilt-Producing Beliefs

Some of the things we feel guilty for are:

  • YOU are responsible! (You were an unplanned pregnancy)
  • You have no right to be alive
  • You must justify your existence by helping others
  • The pain and shame of birth parents is our fault
  • You haven’t confessed all your sins

The truth is that these are the messages of false guilt, which adoptees have plenty of.

Difference Between False and True Guilt

There is a solid difference between false and true guilt.

False guilt won’t go away no matter how many times you confess wrong. True guilt will disappear the moment you confess a wrong-doing to God.

And so, the choice we must make to be rid of false guilt is:

Post-Adoption Care for Adoptees
Use this book as a post-adoption resource for adoptees. Chapters are named specifically about common problems, so you can read as needed.

CHOICE: Weed out false guilt and begin thinking about how to meet basic need for connection. (Chapter 12: 20 LIFE TRANSFORMING CHOICES ADOPTEES NEED TO MAKE)We will talk soon about how to actually weed out nasty false guilt.

For now, catch yourself on self-condemnation.

Remember…the Good Shepherd speaks only edifying words…condemnation comes from the enemy of your soul.

Suggested Resource: Focus on the Family http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional-health/living-without-constant-guilt/the-origins-of-false-guilt?nosplash=1&utm_campaign=forums2016&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=forums