What Does God Say About Adoption Reunions?

Photo of young man pulling suitcase and walking down country road is symbolic of adoptees and foster kids' desire to search for lost birth relatives. The traveler here is pulling a suitcase full of something that will keep him crippled with fear. Sherrie shows how to let go of the suitcase and run forward.

Nothing like getting a new family when you’re an old lady!

That’s me.

After receiving DNA results from Ancestry.com a few weeks ago and then reaching out to my birth brother, I was terrified that the results were incorrect. What if Ancestry was wrong? Do they make mistakes? What if I reached out to supposed relatives and ultimately I wasn’t related to them. What if this whole thing was a sham?

A dear friend recommended that my brother send a DNA spit sample to Ancestry.com., which he gladly did. This would remove any doubts.

Doubts And False Guilt

But, I still had doubts.

What would God say about me searching like this? Guilt has been a roadblock for me ever since the early days when I was trying to find the maternal side of my birth family. Searching wasn’t common then and I felt guilty for even wanting to do it. I had thoughts like:

  • Why would I search for more family when God has already put me in a family?
  • Would He bless my efforts or would I grieve Him as a rebellious daughter, always wanting more?
  • Would my relatives reject me? (mother did)

It was during this time that I read Ecclesiastes 3, where it says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for activity under heaven…..a time to search and a time to give up. (v.6).

I also studied about fellow-adoptee Moses, who lived in Biblical times.  After the burning bush and giving every excuse conceivable to God about why he couldn’t do what God had created him to do, God did something very unusual…something unusually good, which was true to His nature.

Get this!

He asked Mo about his birth brother, Aaron.

Can you believe it?

God Himself brings up the topic of lost relatives.

Initiator of Reunions

“What about your brother, Aaron, the Levite? I know he can speak well. Aaron will be your spokesman before Pharaoh.” (Exodus 5:14).

“Whew!” Moses must have muttered beneath his breath. But then he thought, “My brother? I hardly remember him. He is just a shadowy figure from my past. I am relieved that somebody else is going to do the job, but why did God reach way back into my past and choose somebody from my birth family to do it? I am terrified that Aaron will reject me.”

And, then God shows His tender, beating heart for adoptees: “He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you,” God said (4:14).

Can you just imagine what it was like when they saw one another across the field? What joy must have filled their hearts.

I see them sitting around the campfire that night, telling one another what had happened since that day that Moses was adopted by Pharoah’s daughter.

Extended Family

Last night, when checking my ancestry tree…ZOOM! There was my brother’s name, along with my sister, both 99% correct. My friends who do DNA say that’s a very high percentage and that most people don’t get such results.

I was elated!

To meet another part of my family after all these years.

Since this is not my first rodeo with searching, I am paced and patient, having already met my late birth mother, birth sister, my late birth brother, and my nephew and wife and now two beautiful children.

And, so this “only kid” looks back on the 70 plus years with gratitude beyond measure.

 

 

 

 

Adoptive, Foster, and Birth Parents Long for This

This photo of prize pearls represents adopted and foster children that parents would travel the world for. At times, they get discouraged because their kids come from hard placed. This blog is designed to encourage.

Imagine standing at Tiffany’s jewelry showcase.

Your eyes are drawn to a lustrous, huge. string of pearl, set in a simple, yet elegant setting.

All of us would love having those pearls.

However, there’s another pearl far more precious to adoptive and foster parents…a pearl you would travel to the ends of the earth to obtain…a pearl that can’t be bought.

What the Pearl Is for Parents

It’s the pearl of intimacy between you and your adopted child.

Intimacy means creating an environment that nurtures a give-and-take relationship, which is foundational for future healthy relationships.

Ponder this….and I’ll share more about the pearl in the days to come.

“…the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls…” (Matthew 13:46)

Adoption Triad: Can We Just Get Along?`

It Is possible to see life with different eyes

What’s going on in the world of adoption is disconcerting.

As you might know, this is not my first rodeo when it comes to experiencing change in the triad’s world.

Now, in my seventh chapter of life, I’m letting go, sorting priorities, and adjusting to a slower pace. I’m watching the next generation rise and bring new truth to adoption by passing the baton whenever possible and inviting them to stand on my shoulders.

However, as I stand down, I see the dynamics of new movements, claims to fame, books, competitiveness,  blogs, comparing, conferences, cliques, cattiness,  feminism, and current politics. Add social media and a militaristic tone, and it’s the set-up for a perfect storm…a storm of division amongst us.

We can’t let that happen.

A great percentage of the list above is toxic and I fear that if division continues amongst us, the possibility for individual and corporate healing will be crippled.

Inside I’m screaming, “Can’t we all just get along?” Can’t we all discover and re-discover together? None of us has the corner on truth…we are journey mates.

When I get off track in my relationships, I refresh my memory with five points that are lies Satan wants us to believe:

  • Look at me
  • Listen to me
  • Let me win
  • Give me mine
  • I need praise

We might as well lay our shoes beside one another and walk life’s beach together.

In time, we may be surprised to discover that those we thought of as adversaries  are really God’s greatest gifts…to cause growth.

Connie Dawson, Ph.D, LPC says, “We must look into one another’s eyes to be healed.”

Think of the people in your life.

Can you look into their eyes? Can I?

We can never know the pain or joy of others in the triad but by walking together instead of apart, by looking in one another’s eyes, and growing in our capacity to love and be loved.