Parents Can Bypass Shame When Explaining Adoption Relinquishment

What are we adoptees to do when we are told that we are “given away because our birth moms loved us?”

Please assure us that it wasn’t about us.

Here’s how:

Your Desire to Connect: Parents don’t want child to feel rejected. Often, they counter their overwhelming fear and anxiety by  shedding a positive light on first (second, or third, or fourth) mom.  Parents might say….

Well-Intentioned Statement: “Your birth mom loved you so much that she gave you to us.”

My adoptee heart is crying out….ohhhhh, no!

Adoptee and Foster Kid Translation: “Love is what got rid of me. Why would I want YOUR love?”

What to Say…The Heart Language of Adopted and Fostered Kids: “Your first parents weren’t able to parent ANY baby, child, or teen at that time.”

So, parents, your fear is understandable, but don’t let it sidetrack you from communicating your child’s heart language.

 

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