Looking back on my life as an adopted person, I am certain that my Mom gifted me with a non-abandoning heart:
- I will do everything possible to connect with my child
- I will still love her even when she rejects me
- I will love unconditionally, knowing her back story
- I will love her even though I am afraid
- I will love her by telling her the truth about her backstory.
- I will keep loving her even though I receive no love in return.
- I will go to my grave knowing I’ve done my absolute best for her.
That rare gift of a non-abandoning heart can be illustrated by this story about a forest ranger who was surveying the results of a forest fire in California.
All the mighty redwoods were but an ash heap.
Kicking his way through the ashes, he came upon a mysterious clump, which he kicked to the side. Immediately, baby chicks scurried out from their dead mama’s body.
What a mom she was to those scurrying chicks…and what a mom my mom was to me…her scurrying chick.
What Moms Can Do
- Place A Bandaid
Place a bandaid over your heart. No one will know it is there but you. Every time you see the bandaid, remember your profound wound and speak a few affirmations over yourself:
- I am deeply loved.
- I am this child’s mom and no one can ever take my place.
- Even though my child can’t receive my love, it won’t be lost.
- I am more than enough to meet my child’s need for a good mom.
- Envision Your Survivor Scar
Enjoy these quotes about scars:
- Every scar tells a story–a story that you survived.
- Scars are like battle wounds–they show off what you’ve been through and how strong you are.
- Scars are proof of healing.
- Every scar I have makes me who I am.
- Good Books. Audio versions ideal:
- Book: WISE ADOPTIVE PARENTING: When Kids Struggle to Adopt Their Parents, by Ronald J. Nydam. Ron is my friend, colleague, therapist, pastor, and author. He’s worked with adoptive families for years and is savvy about the disconnect between kids and parents.
- Book: KEEP THE DOORS OPEN: Lessons Learned from A Year of Foster Parenting, 2019, by Kristin Berry. Moms, you will love this irresistible book by my friend, Kristin Berry. Her writing is engaging and powerful. You’ll end up edified. Available in audio.
- Web Site: Confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com. You won’t believe the plethora of services they have for adoptive and foster parents. Best I’ve seen.
- Book: 20 THINGS ADOPTED KIDS WISH…A Daily Devotional for Adoptive Parents, by Sherrie Eldridge. Available on Kindle.