Author: Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author
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The Hot Potato of Adoptee Anger
“Adopted and foster kids have every right to be angry. We are wounded beyond belief. We’ve judged by media and places of worship, misunderstood, labeled as losers, shamed, pitied, abused, misrepresented, ignored, shunned, marginalized, orphaned and sent away with our few belongings in a black trash bag.” Sherrie Eldridge What Is Anger? Anger is a…
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The Special Needs of Adopted Children
Adopted children have special needs that adoptive, first, and foster parents must learn in order to become their child’s #1 cheerleader. Use this list as needed and as age-appropriate for discussing special needs with your child. You might say, “An adopted person wrote a list of her special needs. Would you be interested in seeing…
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What Feeds Adoptee Loss and Grief
What are we to do with this, friends? Can we educate ourselves about these topics and be willing to lunge forward into forgiveness? It would be scary, like standing on the high dive platform before deciding to jump in. But, oh, if we do, we will be washed clean from bitterness and healed from loss…
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Sandcastles In Adoptee Hearts
How I identify with the message of the framed print above my bedroom table named: “My Sandcastle.” It pictures blue skies, a sandy beach, and a four-year-old girl straddling a two- foot-tall sandcastle. Busy at work, she slaps handful upon handful of wet sand upon her creation, oblivious to the seagulls flying overhead or the…
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What Shakes Adoptive Mamas To the Core
Just like the band’s drum major twirls a silver stick with two rubber ends, adoptive mamas must do much the same–always marching, moving forward, and directing. The two ends of her baton are adoptee self-worth and suicide, which in my adoptee mind, are untouchables. Mamas are ultra aware of this tension..in fact, hyper-vigilant. They hear…
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50 Adoptive Mamas Have Marine-Like Hearts!
It takes something special to develop a Marine-like heart in the world of adoption. A person with a Marine-like heart has completed the hard work of getting free from his painful past or condemning self. Because he has nearly experienced death in this process, he has compassion for those that are hurting. The US Marines…
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Why Some Adoptees See Their Mom As An Enemy
I’ve wondered for years why I saw Retha, my Mom through adoption, as my enemy. Why did I love getting under her skin? Why did I seek other Moms for advice, giving her a cold shoulder? Why did I delight in making her mad? Why did I hate her? Was it me? Was it because basically…
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Understanding One Adoptee’s Passion
A fellow adoptee friend told me that many adoptees and foster kids have a ! (exclamation mark) following their name. At first, I didn’t know what she meant, but as she elaborated the meaning, Anne of Green Gables came to mind. If you’ve watched this fascinating series, you would likely agree that Anne has a…
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Dancing With Your Adopted Child
And as a child, I would step on her toes really, really hard. I mean, I loved to step on her toes. It gave me a lot of pleasure. I know that’s really, really sad, but when you understand the reason why that was occurring, then you won’t blame me, or shame me. But, that…
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What I Didn’t Know About Being Adopted
What I’d like to share here is “what I didn’t know about being adopted.” This first post is about my beginnings.nLooking back, I see an adorable child sitting on the porch steps. With leather high tops, a pink dress and matching bonnet, I cuddled a well-worn Raggedy Ann. Dark hair cascaded from beneath my bonnet…
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Adopted Kids May Identify with Buddy At Christmastime
Dear all kinds of parents, fellow adoptees and foster kids… Every year, I watch the Christmas movie called ELF, mostly because my beliefs about Christmas, myself, and others in my story–adoptive mother and dad, ring familiar. We can use the movie as a springboard for discussing the challenges of Christmas that many adopted and foster…
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My Journey Into the World of Adoption, Karen Springs
My journey into the world of adoption began exactly 17 years ago with a visit to an orphanage, a world away from my middle-class American life. It was early November 2004 and I’d arrived in Kyiv, Ukraine, six weeks earlier for what was intended to be an eight-month postcollege ministry adventure. I was twenty-three years…
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One Word Adoptive Parents Must Avoid
Whenever I teach this point during a training, many parents get upset. I wonder why. Are they offended that they’re saying the wrong word? Are they embarrassed, like someone caught with their pants down? Or, are they ticked off because they supposedly know better than anyone what the child needs…and how the child feels?” Really?…
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The Special Needs of Many Adopted Kids
Many adopted children have special needs that adoptive, first, and foster parents must learn in order to become their child’s #1 cheerleader. Use this list as needed and as age-appropriate for discussing special needs with your child. You might say, “An adopted person wrote a list of her special needs. Would you be interested in…
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My Take On Adoption Reform
Unfortunately, the subject of escalating stress between prospective and new moms isn’t discussed by the majority of adoption agencies, child protective services, or adoption professionals. Some agencies are required by State law to provide this type of education and preparation, but for others, it’s too scary to broach the topic. What adoption professional is brave…
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Good News for the World of Adoption Via Podcast
My new podcast-20 THINGS ADOPTION-announces good news for the world of adoption! Adoptive moms and traumatized adoptees can now find freedom–adoptees from their painful past and adoptive moms from their painful self (you know, the self that reminds you you’ll never have what it takes to meet the needs of your adopted child). As an adult adoptee…
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A Birth Grandfather’s Goodbye Letter
My son and his beautiful girlfriend conceived you out of marriage. As parents we loved the two of them and hoped they might marry, but at ages sixteen and eighteen it seemed unwise. Our children wanted to make the foolish, but understandable choice to abort their unplanned pregnancy without telling us. When they revealed their…
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What Scared My Adoptive Parents
Who can even imagine how Retha felt? Perhaps, like a bucket of ice water was thrown on her? She probably shook in shock, like anyone when something unfathomable happened. Where was Mike? Was he holding her close? Knowing him for a lifetime, he was probably running for the back bedroom. And, there Retha was. All…
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Cheat Sheet for Talking Adoption
What comes to mind when you think about initiating a conversation with your child about his birth family? Do you feel defensive, like the birth family is the enemy to be avoided at all costs? Do you feel sad, and does your lip begin to quiver at the thought of their possible presence in your…
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Why I’m “Pro-Adoption”
In order to communicate this foundational truth, I’m using two words: relinquishment and adoption. When the First Mother signs off parenting rights, the term “relinquished” is apropos. This word refers to pre-adoption pain and trauma. However, when your child is placed, this is adoption, and it is positive, for it provides a forever home for…
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Adoptees Suffer Phantom Pain
Adoptive and foster parents, would you consider the possibility of phantom pain in regard to your adopted child’s relinquishment wound? A great example of an amputee with phantom pain is Amy Purdy, the Olympian whose legs were amputated from the knees down. The location of pain for an amputee is the body, brain, and spirit.…
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What Made Me A Kick-Ass Adoptee
Hell yes, adoptees are angry! Excuse my French…I’m just a veteran adoptee, finally free from anger’s choking grip, and ready to hunt bear on behalf of my fellow adoptees and foster kids who believe that their anger might be a life sentence. Up until now, most adoptees have believed there’s no hope for resolving overwhelming…
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How One Adoptee Got Triggered
Specific present-day circumstances can trigger my profound wound of losing Elizabeth, my first Mom. What I’m about to share is personal and I’m asking that you’ll read with mercy and grace. I hope this post will be helpful to both adoptive parents and fellow adoptees who struggle with abandonment and rejection issues. Perhaps, for these,…
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Identifying With Fellow Adoptee Anne With An “E”
Most adoptive parents will identify with the challenges of raising an adopted child. The mother and father were brother and sister and had never raised children. They made typical mistakes that almost all parents do, but the challenges were often magnified because they had no backstory, no parental training or education, and no awareness that…
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The Unexpected Variables of Adoptive Parenting
Who can even imagine how Retha felt? Perhaps, like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on her? She must have shaken in shock, like we all do when something unfathomable happens. It would be easy for her to read rejection into my screams. “Maybe my baby doesn’t like me, or maybe I’m not…
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What Adoptees & Moms Need for Healing
how do adoptive Moms and kids know that they need healing? Through an MRI of their hearts. Because many adoptive Moms and adopted kids repress deep pain, they’re exhausted and lose their joy. No one tells them that this unrecognized pain is still active, creating emotions and beliefs that sometimes prompt shocking reactions to life…
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Adoptees Can Grow Amidst Birth Family Rejection
Rejection. Just the sound of the word sends chills up my spine! Rejection is the dark side of the search and reunion process. The agonizing side. The side that is rarely, if ever, talked about, the side media never covers. However, rejection need not define us. Here’s why.
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An Adoptee’s Pearls from The Oyster of Adoption
1. Anyone can make love, but only God can create a life. (credit: Lee Ezell) 2. Even though my birth parents didn’t plan my life, God did. My life is not a mistake. 3. Every day of my life was planned before any one of them ever came to be—no coincidences! 4. I was removed…
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Many Adopted Kids Want Parents to Address Their Curiosities About Birth Family
Is it okay to ask the hospital where I was born for my medical records? Is it okay to ask for non-identifying information about my birth mother and birth father? Is it okay to say that I’m curious about them and might like to meet them some day? Is it okay to be angry about…
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An Adoptee’s Thoughts about First Parents Are Innate
What messages did we get from our birth mothers? I believe it all depended on her attitude toward us. If we heard, “I love you and am so glad you’re a part of me. I will do all that I can to help you develop into the person you were created to be. I can’t…
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One Adoptee Carries On Her Mom’s Christmas Eve Tradition
Adoptive moms have no idea of the memories of love they’re creating for their kids. They can’t even fathom, nor entertain the idea that THEY are a gift to their adopted children–her persona, her everyday activities, her faithfulness in remaining a mom with a non-abandoning heart. So, when Christmas Eve comes, I think of Mom…
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The Little Pink Flower That Bloomed in the Winter
After the man planted Little Pink Flower in his white jar, he expected that it would bloom during the summer, but it didn’t. When December came, even though the plant had green leaves, there was no flower. But suddenly, a pink flower popped from the green leaves, delighting the man beyond belief. He tells the…
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A Holiday Gift Adoptive and First Parents Can Share With Their Kids
Who can even guess what the upcoming Christmas and Hanukah family celebrations will be like? If the gathering is virtual, it takes much pressure off adopted children. They can feel safe from being overstimulated. No matter whether virtual or physical. many adopted kids have a rough time. I’ve written these questions for you to share…
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ONLY GOD Can Impart Self-Worth to Adopted Children
When I was asked to be trained as a Teaching Leader for Bible Study Fellowship in California, I felt so insignificant compared to the other woman who got training with me. One time during that week-long, arduous training, another woman peeked inside the car where I was seated and said, “You are just as good…
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Dancing in My First Mother’s Shadow
Almost every adoptee has a shadow following her. It’s the shadow of the First Mother. The shadow may be fleeting, fear-producing, fierce, or formidable. It all depends, for each adoptee and First Mother are unique, one of a kind. But, one thing is certain–adoptees who experience rejection from their First Mothers can dance again.
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Are adoptees aware of hatred toward their moms?
When I was interviewing adoptees for my upcoming book, I spent a lot of time asking them about their anger. I believe there is a thought that opens the gateway to open discussions with your child. The thought is…
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Draining Shame from Adoptee Sensory Issues
For my whole life, I’ve believed that I’m clumsy. My.whole.life. I trip, fall, run into things, and go ballistic when I hear the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Just last week, I was working out at the gym with a friend. When we changed machines, she said with urgency, “Look out!” There was a machine…
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I CAN SEE MY ADOPTION THROUGH HEAVEN’S EYES. Online Adoptee Bible Study
Afterwards, he climbed to the highest part of the mountain where he could see a spectacular view of the Promised Land. The faithfulness and goodness of God were the last things he saw before he took his last breath. Afterwards, the same arms that carried him throughout life became the arms that carried his body…
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“I Can Now Take Rejection In Stride” Online Adoptee Bible Study
Ronald Nydam, Ph.D., in an article entitled “Doing Rejection” appearing in Jewel Among Jewels Adoption News said, “The task of all adoptees is to finally relinquish their relinquishment; that is, to really accept the decision of the birth parents to carry out their plan for adoption. If the original relinquishment is not relinquished, the adoptee…
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Learning to Appreciate Tough Times
Since the nation is cooped up inside with COVID, it may be a great time for some introspection about how this tough time is teaching us profound lessons in our faith walk with Jesus. As children of God, we are all in the process of being healed by the Great Physician, Jesus. His healing can…
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I HAVE A UNIQUE LIFE PURPOSE. Online Adoptee Bible Study
The late Brian Keck, between the age of 10 and 16, was placed in 27 foster homes, three adoptive placements, two group homes and one detention center. He went on to earn a degree in social work and is now dedicating himself to become an Olympic wrestler. He said in an article for Connections, a…
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I’M NERVOUS ABOUT FINDING BIRTH RELATIVES. Online Adoptee Bible Study
Like many adoptees, Moses probably experienced a tremendous amount of anxiety prior to his reunion with his birth brother, Aaron. “What will I say?” “How will I act?” “Will I laugh or cry?” he may have wondered. As with all adoption reunions, there is joy as well as pain, blessing as well as a sense…
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I AM TERRIFIED OF REJECTION Online Adoptee Bible Study
Fear of rejection is like a monkey on the backs of many adopted kids, teens, and adults. Most tend to see rejection when none was intended. The turning around instead of being face to face. An unanswered text. Being stood up for a date with a first parent. Is this a permanent disability? Will adopted…
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“I Push Myself to Be Perfect” Online Adoptee Bible Study
What are Super You and Real You? Super You is a false idealized image you think you have to be in order to be loved and accepted. Super You is an imaginary picture of yourself. Since you have been programmed to believe that no one will love you if he gets to know the real…
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I AM CONFUSED ABOUT MY IDENTITY: Online Adoptee Bible Study
One night at a dinner party I listened as my host mused about his children: his son looks like his grandfather, but does not have his disposition; his first daughter has his reserved and deep nature; his second daughter looks like his wife’s brother and shares his interest in science. Without being conscious of it,…
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I SOMETIMES FANTASIZE ABOUT MY BIRTH MOTHER. Online Adoptee Bible Study
Adopted children spend an exorbitant amount of psychic time in fantasy. They may seem to be sitting quietly in their rooms, or just looking out the window, when really they are deep in the Ghost Kingdom imagining scenarios that might have been or still might be…These fantasies are not just the passing fancies with which…
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Who’s That Little Girl, Anyway?
Imagine being given an assignment to find someone you’ve never met, but someone with whom you have an unknown connection. The person you’re searching for is a female toddler who lives in a bungalow on a prestigious, tree-lined street. She’ll be sitting on the porch steps alone. “Who’s that little girl, anyway?” you may ask…
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“I BLOW UP EASILY AND HURT OTHERS” Online Adoptee Bible Study
The child picture in this photo could be an adopted or foster child, who feels at the mercy of her anger. She blows up, hurts others, and then feel much regret about it. In time, she will learn that her anger is God-given and that it can be regulated so that it performs what it…
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“I DON’T FEEL LIKE I BELONG ANYWHERE”-Online Adoptee Bible Study
What name did he have in his birth family’s home? Surely it must have been a Hebrew name. But now he was to be called by another name–an Egyptian name. Little Moses felt all mixed up inside. If he were able to put his feelings into words he might have said, I don’t feel like…
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Adoptees Can Grow Amidst COVID-19-Bible Study 1
in order to study Moses and what we can learn from him, we must remember that his struggles were evidence of something deeper that must be dealt with. We’re going to look at the first part of his life prior to adoption and discover that his painful past doesn’t surface as memories of the past,…
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Announcing New Online Bible Study for Adoptive, Foster Parents, and Kids
Why do many of us see life through a lens of rejection? Why do unanswered phone calls, emails, and letters spell R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N to us? Will we ever get over it? Why is our self-esteem not low, but non-existent? Why do we try to be like others instead of being ourselves? Do we even know who…
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Helping Adopted Kids With Overwhelming Feelings Amidst COVID-19
During this COVID-19 crisis, remind your child that it is alright to express overwhelming feelings. It is not only all right, but it is crucial if she is to be healthy and whole. But as you give your child permission to express herself, also teach her that obnoxious behavior for its own sake is futile.…
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Discovering God In the Details
And so at birth, love mingled with loss, like water and oil. This combination waged war inside me, from birth onward. Avoid abandonment at all costs and seek love no matter whom the giver. Loss sent me on a lifetime quest to find freedom from deeply-embedded fears of abandonment that warred against my ability to…
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Daily Meditations for Quarantined Adoptive Parents and Kids
It seems the world has flipped upside down with the Corona virus. What makes this a doubly-critical time for adoptees and foster kids is that the crisis reflects our raw reality–everything familiar was lost when our first parents (or second or third) signed relinquishment papers and we were removed. More than anything right now, adopted…
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The Power of An Adoptive Mom’s Non-Abandoning Heart
will do everything possible to connect with my child I will still love her even when she rejects me I will love unconditionally, knowing her back story I will love her even though I am afraid I will love her by telling her the truth about her backstory. I will keep loving her even though…
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Helping Adopted Kids Feel Safe Amidst Coronavirus
It’s such a basic need of adopted kids to have connection, with you, friends, and other family members. But, we’re all called to social distancing, which may be incredibly difficult for adopted kids. I’m going to share three ideas here that speak to this need of adopted kids. I’m hesitant to share, for it seems…
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Ending the Unwanted War Between Adoptees and Their Moms
How I wish mom and I knew about what will be shared . We would have been freed from the war between us and enjoyed an intimate parent/child relationship that only comes from tough self-examination of both child and parent.
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What’s With The Silly Cap, Randall?
I couldn’t believe it when This Is Us’s Randall wore a ski cap to the event that Kevin took their mom to! Of course, he and Kevin were in an all-out battle about who could take better care of their aging mom, as dementia set in. The scene of Kevin taking his mom to the…
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How Adopted Kids Want Their Parents To Handle Their Pre-Adoption Loss
It’s painful to enter into your child’s suffering. It’s so much easier to assume that all is well inside your child, especially if she hasn’t manifested any obvious problems. But all adopted children have been wounded, simply because they experienced a profound loss before they were embraced by their new family. The first thing your…
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Why Adoptive Moms Are Hard On Themselves
Imagine an adoptive mom hiding behind a velvet curtain backstage in the world of adoption. She’s wrapped in that curtain, but why? What if we went behind the curtains and led her center stage? Without a doubt, the mom would resist the spotlight. The spotlight is repugnant, for she darn well doesn’t need any more…
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Validating The Profound Wound of Adoptive Moms
Without a doubt, your level of fatigue is off the charts and I don’t want you to feel like these 20 strategies are one more thing you must do. Far from it. Read a few pages, or even just one, even if you have to seclude yourself from screaming kids in the bathroom. I promise…
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The Deadly Secret of Adoptive and Foster Moms
When a mom is suffering compassion fatigue, she can’t stop trying to help her child. It’s like banging her head against a brick wall. It hurts, but she can’t stop. This is called repetition compulsion. This mom may say, “If I try again, surely my child will respond.” And so, these moms operate out of…
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Stop Running, Randall on THIS IS US
Randall is running to try to keep his sanity, but inside, he is screaming bloody murder. His friends, colleagues, and wife could see what was happening but he wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t connect. The longer the program went on, the more the pressures that came to bear on Randall and he began having insomnia and bad…
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Why Some Adopted Kids See Their Adoptive Mom As An Enemy
When your child connects with you for the first time, he brings with him all the “faces” of other moms that were in your role before. So, if your child is a newborn, it is the first mom’s face. If a school-age child removed to foster care, the first mom’s face. If a teen coming…
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This Adoptee Is Worried About Randall on THIS IS US
Randall was the first to notice memory problems in Rebecca and you could tell before the holidays that he was deeply concerned about her. That is so typical of many adoptees–because of the trauma we’ve been through, we have an extremely tender heart for those that are hurting. As the episode unfolded, not only did…
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How Adoptive Parents Can Foster Self-Acceptance In Their Kids
Your child’s potential is there, yet invisible. I like to think of each person as made in the image of God–body, soul, and spirit. Just like the amaryllis, those gorgeous red blooms are developing deep within, yet when he/she comes to you, likely there will be no evidence because pre-adoption trauma keeps it suppressed. …
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How Adoptive Moms Can Reverse Their Child’s Misplaced Anger
I’m going to ask you to do something in regard to your adopted child’s anger that will likely seem crazy, but hang tight…it will make sense after you read the prescription for helping your child process misplaced anger and find healing from pre-adoption loss. First, think about your reaction to your child’s outbursts, rages, and…
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How To Advocate for Your Adopted Child Amidst Insensitive Remarks
The following chart may come in handy over the holidays, as you will be attending family and public gatherings, where well-intentioned individuals might know your child is adopted, but are nervous about what to say to connect with your family or child. We all get nervous in different situations, but when nervousness concerns the topic…
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Why Adopted Kids Reject Their Mom’s Love
Your child wants you to know is that if she doesn’t grieve the adoption loss, her ability to receive love or attach emotionally to you and others in meaningful relationships may be seriously hindered. Dr. Daniel N. Stern, professor of psychiatry at Cornell University, says in his book, The Interpersonal World of the Infant, that…
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How Parents Can Instill Healthy Boundaries in Adopted Children
Adopted children feel different because they are different than you, biologically speaking. They are also different because of the way they became a part of your family. These are facts of life–facts you cannot change and facts you cannot fix. Your child is not the same as you, no matter how you slice it. But…
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Who Can Identify The Five Faces of Adoptee Anger?
Envision a multi-dimensional circular, multi-colored feelings chart, including every emotion humans could ever experience. Such a chart reminds me of the diversity of reactions adoptees have about the emotion of anger in regard to being adopted. Some say they have no anger while others wonder if it’s a life sentence. Some say it’s not a…
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What Creates Hope for Discouraged Adoptive and Foster Parents
There’s a three-fold secret I discovered during the search for my first mother that may bring hope to discouraged adoptive and foster parents. Parents, I know the Marine-like challenge you’ve undertaken to parent a child through adoption. Sometimes, you’re on the verge of complete exhaustion or panicked about what is happening in your child’s life.…
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Does The Beautiful Braid of Adoption Apply Today?
November is Adoption Awareness Month and this is my offering, as controversial as it may be. This post contains the truths I’ve learned in seven plus decades of being an adopted person. I’ve used this art for many years, but I’d like to think that my updated version is still applicable to those touched by…
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The Unspoken Raw Realities All Adopted Kids Experience
For an adopted child, the dance floor is the first mother’s womb, for there the unborn child gains a sense of belonging, a sensation of safety in the warm sack of water, and a sense of rhythm from the mother’s beating heart. These dance floor elements are what every child expects after birth–a continuation and…
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Honoring First Parents Opens The Hearts of Adopted Children
Who would ever guess that the honoring of adoptive parents of the first parents would open up the child’s love to receive unconditional love. Learn how it all happens here.
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A Gift Only Adopted and Foster Kids Can Give
We Have a Unique Emotional Language. Sherry says that adoptees can “read” each other from just a few words or their body language, which she says makes adoptees feel like they belong to each other.
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How To Enter the World of Your Adopted Child
Just having found the paternal side of my first family, I know first-hand what it means to come from a painful history. My first father was a very broken man, now deceased, but leaving six children from six marriages in the wake. I am fairly convinced that my adoptive parents knew the back story, but…
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Why Choose Adoption Over Abortion?
You will long to hold the child for the rest of your life and will wonder what he/she may have looked like when you see another’s child at the same age yours would have been. You will have lost not only an infant, but also a preschooler, a teenager, a young adult and your grandchildren.
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What Adoptees Must Consider Before Searching for Birth Family
“Understanding my adoption experience,” Richard says, “has allowed me to bring authenticity to my relationships with family, friends, and others in my life. I no longer hide my thoughts and feelings—the veil of secrecy has been lifted. People now get the real Richard since I’ve uncovered my past, understand how precious the present is, and…
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Should Adoptive Parents Share Painful Pre-Adoption History with Kids?
Your child, at the appropriate age, can actually benefit from hearing painful information about his past because he will know that finally you are telling him the honest, gut-level truth. Kids are geniuses at detecting untruths. This giving of information doesn’t have so much to do with the truth about his past as it does…
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Please Bring Up My Birth Family for Me?
What comes to mind when you think about initiating a conversation with your child about his birth family? Do you feel defensive, like the birth family is the enemy to be avoided at all costs? Do you feel sad, and does your lip begin to quiver at the thought of their possible presence in your…
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Helping Your Adopted Child With Fears of Abandonment
Fear and abandonment are inextricably woven together and tied into one big knot in the psyche and spirit of the adopted child. Think for a moment about the normal childhood fear of abandonment needing to be conquered by all of us. It is an illusion and not based on truth. However, for the adoptee, there…
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The Special Needs of Adopted Children
I need parents who are willing to put aside preconceived notions about adoption and be educated about the realities of adoption and the special needs adoptive families face. (Proverbs 23:12, Proverbs 3: 13-14, Proverbs 3:5-6) I need my adoptive and birth parents to have a non-competitive attitude. Without this, I will struggle with loyalty issues.…
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What Happens When Adoptive Parents Reflect On the Miracle of Adoption
Without a doubt, you know that an absolute miracle transpired in your heart when you adopted your child. Trying to describe it would be impossible, for it is like a million emotions exploding simultaneously—like fireworks! Debbie describes it well: If I had to pick just one moment of absolute, unadulterated joy it would be the…
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Why Adoptees and Foster Kids Must Guard Their Hearts
Adoptees and foster kids must learn to guard their hearts through discernment and simultaneously learn the art of gradual self-disclosure. We need to find a healthy balance between the two, and that will occur as we learn to trust ourselves. Here are some tips that will help adoptees and foster kids find and trust safe…
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Why One Adopted Person Is Thankful for Tough Times
As children of God, we are all in the wonderful process of being healed by our Great Physician, Jesus. His healing can be evidenced in a new-found appreciation for life, as we learn to enjoy Him. Webster’s defines appreciation like this: “To be grateful for; to value highly; to place a high estimate on; to…
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Helping Adopted Kids Think Freely About Their Birth Parents
Parents, I know you and the fact that you’re reading this shows your heart. You would do anything to help your child come to terms with his/her first family. Here’s what you can do: Bring up the birth parents in conversation. “I wonder where you got that curly black hair. Do you think it could…
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What Not To Say to Adopted and Foster Kids
Adoptive parents think they are giving us a great compliment with these words, but more than often, they wound. When well-meaning parents say, “We love you just like you’re our own,” their child may naturally wonder or hopefully ask, “Well, if I’m not your own, then whose am I? Where is my real family? Where…
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How Many Adoptees Are Rejected by Birth Relatives?
Why do birth relatives reject some of us? Does our physical appearance remind our birth mothers of our fathers, whom they have no positive feelings for? Does seeing us trigger issues in them that they have never dealt with? Are they emotionally and mentally unbalanced? Or are they just downright mean? What does it mean…
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What May Happen When Adoptees Practice Self-Care
So, I pulled the poor thing out of the pot, setting it on a nearby wagon. It seemed there was no hope, but it seemed worth a try. That evening, it rained like crazy and the next morning I went out to see the plant, thinking it was totally wiped out by the heavy rains.…
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What the MRI of My Adoptee Heart Showed
Sherrie couldn’t figure out why life’s circumstance felt like she was being painted into a corner. As a control freak, this was incredibly distressing. What she didn’t realize is that she was at the threshold of healing. A MRI of her adoptee heart clarified the diagnosis.
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Celebrating the Scab Over Verrier’s Primal Wound
Celebrating the Scab Over Verrier’s Primal Wound. Is it really possible for adopted, fostered, or step children to heal from such a profound wound? In order to know the answer, we must study what healing looks like here.
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One Adoptee’s New View of Verrier’s Primal Wound
We Adoptees and foster kids have clung for decades to the validation of Nancy Verrier, author of The Primal Wound. But why? She is an adoptive mom and her perspective is oh so different than that of an adoptee. Are adoptees willing to move out of the :self valida
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What I Wish My Adoptive Mom Would Have Said
Sometimes, parents are ill-equipped to teach their children emotional awareness, thus increasing the child’s Emotional IQ. They may be fearful, believing that emotions like sadness or anger can be harmful. They may be controlling, seeing negative emotions as something they’re responsible to fix, or they may feel it their responsibility to help the child understand…
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Will Adopted and Foster Kids Get Triggered On Mother’s Day?
Hallmark reminds us of the upcoming Mothers Day with romanticized cards and sentimental gift offerings. Mothers Day is ideally a day for remembering the mothering we received and the incredible character of the mom who poured herself into us minute-by-minute, time after time, day after day, and year after year. It’s a time that’s often…
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Confessions of An Angry Adoptee
We feel emotions more intensely than many non-adopted humans, for we have pre-adoption traumas that affect us right down to the cellular level.But, isn’t anger supposed to be a good thing? Yes! Our emotions are a gift, meant to help us. But, anger can become toxic if not processed. Take this quiz to see if…
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The Best News for Adopted and Foster Kids This Easter
The innermost fear of many adopted humans—Is my life a mistake?This is the deepest, darkest shame possible and none of your children would admit it to you. Trust me, MOST adoptees struggle with this question.What is needed for the questioning child?
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How Often Do Adoptees Think About Their Birth Parents?
I have yet to meet an adoptee who can honestly claim to have never thought about his or her birth mother, especially on birthdays. In fact, a survey of more than 100 adoptees from the All-Adoptee Online group (all-adoptees@yahoogroups.com) confirm that many think of their birth mothers daily. It’s no wonder. Just think about how…
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When You Write to Publish, Don’t Forget This!
Yesterday, LITTLE BRANCH GETS ADOPTED became available for purchase on Amazon.com! I am celebrating with my publisher, Marcinson Press, by eating chocolate cake. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to be able to make this available to adoptive and foster parents, plus anyone who loves an adoptee. It’s for kids, ages 5-12. The…
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Why Some Adoptees Are Angry and Others Aren’t
Imagine a five-year old whose parents were wiped out in a car wreck. She’s just attended their funeral and then witnessed their coffins lowered six feet into the ground. If you were to strike up a conversation with this child as her aunt takes her hand and leads her to the car, what do you…