Category Archives: adoptee anxiety

What Adoptees Can Do with Mixed Feelings

Regulating Mixed Feelings

Dear friends, Yesterday, I posted statements that cause mixed feelings (painful feelings) in adoptees. Today, let’s talk about concrete steps for dealing with the mixed up, finger-over-the-blackboard feelings: Journal Record your current circumstances in a journal. Maybe call it your “finger-over-the-blackboard” notebook? Create Self-Portrait Or how about getting a huge piece of paper? Then, have someone trace your whole body.

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Words that Trigger Trauma in Adoptees

Dear friends through adoption, Cognitive dissonance occurs automatically and involuntarily for many adoptees, but adoptive parents and other people in an adopted child’s life can inadvertently trigger mixed feelings. I believe that for the most part, the following types of statements are well-intentioned and borne from ignorance. Nevertheless…we need to know what they are so the adoptee can be helped

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An Adoptee’s Search for the Missing Face

Finding the MIssing FAce

An adoptee searches for a face in a crowd that resembles her own. If we could only see the face of the lost birth mother/father, the hurt would magically disappear. The grief would be resolved and the life-long repercussions of traumatic adoption loss would be mitigated. Oops…adoptee fantasy. True, those who have found the missing face through reunion have experienced

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Why Do Many Adoptees Feel Guilty?

Get Rid of False Guilt

Dear friends through adoption, Many of us adoptees suffer from haunting guilt. Oh, we won’t tell you about it, but it’s there, like a sticky shadow. Guilt-Producing Beliefs Some of the things we feel guilty for are: YOU are responsible! (You were an unplanned pregnancy) You have no right to be alive You must justify your existence by helping others

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