Category Archives: adoption identity

Words that Trigger Trauma in Adopted and Fostered Kids

Dear friends through adoption, Cognitive dissonance occurs automatically and involuntarily for many adoptees, but adoptive parents and other people in an adopted child’s life can inadvertently trigger mixed feelings. I believe that for the most part, the following types of statements are well-intentioned and borne from ignorance. Nevertheless…we need to know what they are so the adoptee can be helped

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An Adoptee’s Search for the Missing Face

Finding the MIssing FAce

An adoptee searches for a face in a crowd that resembles her own. If we could only see the face of the lost birth mother/father, the hurt would magically disappear. The grief would be resolved and the life-long repercussions of traumatic adoption loss would be mitigated. Oops…adoptee fantasy. True, those who have found the missing face through reunion have experienced

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How To Get Past Kid Defenses When “Talking Adoption”

Dear Parents, Sometimes your best-laid plans for talking adoption with your kids get sabotaged! Right? You’ve thought deeply about what to share/ask, determined the best time, and perhaps even rehearsed possible scenarios and outcomes. The pre-planned time arrives and you ask, “How about talking about adoption for a few minutes?” Many parents hear responses like these: • “Nope.” Child then

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La Historia de Moises

La madre de Moisés, Jochebed, siente sus primeros dolores de parto una tarde. Al llegar el atardecer nació un hermoso niño. Era una experiencia dulce y amarga al mismo tiempo para ella, porque la muerte estaba asediando en su puerta. El Faraón, el malvado rey de Egipto, desesperado para no dejar a los israelitas florecer y al final quitarle su

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What Others Are Saying About Forever Fingerprints Book

How fun, as we anticipate the shiny new books coming from the printer, to receive endorsements from wonderful people. Since I’m doing radio with Rebecca Swan Vahle today on Family to Family, I thought you might enjoy what she says about Forever Fingerprints: Forever Fingerprints is my all-time favorite adoption book! It not only gives adoptive families a concrete way

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Adoptees Explain Boo-Hoo Birthdays

Let’s think about the concept of birthdays for adoptees. First, what does a birthday represent for the non-adopted person? For most, it’s a happy time, built on the foundation of being welcomed into the world. A time for birthday cakes, parties, and balloons. Now consider an adoptee’s birthday. What does a birthday represent for him? It represents the day of

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One Adoptee’s 69th Birthday Reflections

“Look!” the people around the campfire called out, pointing to the cypress trees that lined the famous Monterrey, California grill. Suddenly, a bagpiper came out of the woods, playing a melancholy tune. She wore authentic bagpiper regalia, walking through the field toward us. It was a special touch to an evening that we didn’t think could be any better. That’s

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What Reuniting Adoptees Need to Hear from Birth Relatives

Experts say that when birth mothers and their children reunite, it is like one thousand emotions all at once. Supposedly, both return to the place of separation. Yikes, talk about vulnerability! Everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing, for we all know that words can hurt or heal. We tiptoe around “on eggshells.” Thus, it is helpful for all

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Amazing Research News For Birth Mothers and Adoptees

Thanks to science, we now have a deeper glimpse into our Creator’s heart that cherish’s birth mothers and their sacrificial gift in adoption….and for the child that is adopted. We all know from Dr. Thomas Verny in The Secret Life of the Unborn Child that: ~the birth mother’s heartbeat and warmth of her body makes the baby feel safe ~the

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Forgiveness A Command, Reconciliation An Option?

The longer I walk this journey called adoption, the stronger my belief is that the key–the whole key–to being healthy and thriving, to having a cup brimming over with joy, is to learn to forgive. How I wish I would have known some of the things I’ve learned lately about forgiveness and reconciliation. In Dr. Henry Townsend’s book Forgiving the

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What If Your Adoption Glass Is Half Empty?

If our adoption glass is half empty, we’ll be growing something in our hearts that is downright malicious. Something unseen and destructive. Something that keeps us from growing and moving toward maturity. Something that keeps us looking at life in a distorted way. We will fight for our rights to be heard and even become somewhat militaristic. We will make

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I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be

The late Betty Jean Lifton, author of Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, describes the adoptee’s growing awareness of his desire to know more about his biological family as an awakening: “The act of adoption puts us under a spell that numbs our consciousness. When we awaken it startles us to realize we might have slept our lives away, floating

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An INCREDIBLE Find Unearthed in Israel By One Adoptee

I am one blessed woman! More has been uncovered about my family’s history than I ever dreamed possible. But, isn’t that like God to prove he can and does give beyond our wildest imaginations? Tribe of Dan Before Bob and I left on a trip for Israel, my dear birth cousin, Sharon, (an incredible genealogist) told me that our family

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