Category Archives: adoption identity

Words that Trigger Trauma in Adopted and Fostered Kids

Dear friends through adoption, Cognitive dissonance occurs automatically and involuntarily for many adoptees, but adoptive parents and other people in an adopted child’s life can inadvertently trigger mixed feelings. I believe that for the most part, the following types of statements are well-intentioned and borne from ignorance. Nevertheless…we need to know what they are so the adoptee can be helped

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An Adoptee’s Search for the Missing Face

Finding the MIssing FAce

An adoptee searches for a face in a crowd that resembles her own. If we could only see the face of the lost birth mother/father, the hurt would magically disappear. The grief would be resolved and the life-long repercussions of traumatic adoption loss would be mitigated. Oops…adoptee fantasy. True, those who have found the missing face through reunion have experienced

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How To Get Past Kid Defenses When “Talking Adoption”

Dear Parents, Sometimes your best-laid plans for talking adoption with your kids get sabotaged! Right? You’ve thought deeply about what to share/ask, determined the best time, and perhaps even rehearsed possible scenarios and outcomes. The pre-planned time arrives and you ask, “How about talking about adoption for a few minutes?” Many parents hear responses like these: • “Nope.” Child then

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La Historia de Moises

La madre de Moisés, Jochebed, siente sus primeros dolores de parto una tarde. Al llegar el atardecer nació un hermoso niño. Era una experiencia dulce y amarga al mismo tiempo para ella, porque la muerte estaba asediando en su puerta. El Faraón, el malvado rey de Egipto, desesperado para no dejar a los israelitas florecer y al final quitarle su

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What Others Are Saying About Forever Fingerprints Book

How fun, as we anticipate the shiny new books coming from the printer, to receive endorsements from wonderful people. Since I’m doing radio with Rebecca Swan Vahle today on Family to Family, I thought you might enjoy what she says about Forever Fingerprints: Forever Fingerprints is my all-time favorite adoption book! It not only gives adoptive families a concrete way

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Adoptees Explain Boo-Hoo Birthdays

Let’s think about the concept of birthdays for adoptees. First, what does a birthday represent for the non-adopted person? For most, it’s a happy time, built on the foundation of being welcomed into the world. A time for birthday cakes, parties, and balloons. Now consider an adoptee’s birthday. What does a birthday represent for him? It represents the day of

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