One Adoptee’s New View of Verrier’s Primal Wound

One Adoptee’s New View of Verrier’s Primal Wound

For the last two decades in the world of adoption, Adoptees clung tenaciously to the book called The Primal Wound, by adoptive mom, Nancy Verrier.

Thank you Ms. Verrier for validation, but you’re not even an adopted person…we Adoptees are over-the-top confident that our perspectives are much different than yours.

There’s no way you could see Adoption nor life through an adopted person’s eyes. Our eyes have been shattered by loss of a much different kind.

So, respectfully, thanks, but bye.

No longer do we find comfort in the compromising status of self- validation, for a self-centered life is not how we were created.

Instead, our genetic blueprint calls us to sacredly build others up.

We want to know the  perspectives of fellow adoptees who walk the walk. Each, like refined gold, oftentimes better than therapy, a mirror, an unspoken gift to our needy souls.

How we need one another.

We are moving on now, for we see there is so.much.more than validation.

We know our struggles weren’t caused by character defects or generational curses.

Shame has drained from the dark, musty basements of our souls. We’re inhaling invigorating fresh air and feeling the sun’s warmth on our gargantuas trauma scars.

We don’t inflict self-loathing for the oftentimes contrariness of raw life…no,  we base our self worth on what Someone greater says—we are unique jewels of inestimable worth and beauty, bought with a price.

As we move on, we embrace the fact that we indeed can heal from our excruciatingly painful past.

Yes, we struggled in our chrysalis of toxic anger and trauma-ridden beliefs for decades, but we now know that we can successfully learn to fly, discover the unique colors of our wings, and zoom to unimaginable heights.

It’s not comfortable leaving you behind, Primal Wound, but we do so with the tenderest of soaring hearts.

After all, there is so.much.more.

22 responses to “One Adoptee’s New View of Verrier’s Primal Wound”

  1. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    Absolutely, nothing much better than fellow-adoptee friendships!

  2. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    Thanks for your perspective.

  3. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    You are kind. This wasn’t meant as a vote against Nancy and her book. It was a goodbye to one aspect of adoptee growth.

  4. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    Interesting perspective. Thank you

  5. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    Yes, Shefalie! You’re right…no complete healing while on planet earth. Your comment was such an affirmation to me….keep on writing my book for adoptees. Thank you.

  6. Sherrie Eldridge, Adoption Author Avatar

    Yes, the Primal Wound and is what lances the adoptee’s scab over a deep wound. I too, am grateful that this book exists in the adoption arena.

  7. Just another adoptee Avatar
    Just another adoptee

    Primal Wound was a saving grace for me. It was the beginning of my healing. Nancy truly understands the adoptees. It was the first aha moment for me. I couldn’t put the book down. I was like, wow, someone knows how I feel. She never said that you can’t heal, just explains it very well. I refer to it often if I regress. Glad that I have read it, or I might still be in a “fog”. My heart doctor doesn’t have heart problems, but he sure has gotten my heart problems under control. And there’s no way my gynecologist (being a male) could possible have a period or have a baby, but he has helped me thru some tough female problems with amazing results! I will be forever grateful for the beginning of my healing when I read and reread Primal Wound.

  8. Lorene Avatar

    I agree, Sharon.

  9. Amy Tompkins Avatar
    Amy Tompkins

    Ultimately healing for all trauma comes from Christ but Verrier’s insights are invaluable.

  10. Shefali Avatar

    Good thoughts…..of which most of us on this journey have had sitting somewhere in the wakeful cries…….there must be more to this…….and yes there is……..and the voices of adoptees who have found measures of healing need to speak up and out…..share…..hope…….if we are looking for complete healing this side of eternity….well I am lacking in faith in that area……but not in the belief that we can arise out of the ashes…..each in our way……

    Nancy verrier was a voice in the wilderness for many when we were still stuck in geneaological bewilderment……there seemed no other voices to compare…..she named what our silent primal screams were about and yes let us be validated…..for that I am thankful……to know we were not crazy……our struggles had a name…….she will always have a place in the history of adoptees journeys……we are always open to another person in today’s present to lead more of us out into further truth and life… adoptees write on…….share your voices and experiences and paths of healing and intergration….all of us have a place to be heard……….in my opinion…….shefali

  11. Rachel Roosken Avatar
    Rachel Roosken

    Well said Sharon Slettas. I too started my healing journey through this book. All of a sudden my entire life made sense. God bless Nancy Verrier

  12. Sharon Siettas Avatar
    Sharon Siettas

    Did I miss something ? Seriously, did Ms Verrier infer that we can’t move on from the primal wound? I for one was able to start my journey towards healing due to the knowledge this book supplied me with. As for Ms Verrier not being adopted, my sons Dr doesn’t have autism and my dogs Vet never had fleas. In a world that ignores our pain I think we should be appreciative of all who help us

  13. Rebecca Avatar

    Thanks, Sherrie!! We were just talking about this during our book study last week- along with talking about the value of your voice as an adoptee to help us as adoptive moms!! It’s like you were there with us!❤️

  14. Laureen Pittman Avatar

    Thank you for this, Sherrie! The Primal Wound is not my Bible and it never was. I read it with one eyebrow raised years ago and I have to say, I found it more troubling than validating.

  15. Maureen Roberts Avatar
    Maureen Roberts

    I am not adopted but I do agree with you that healing from trauma is possible and that is where an adoptee to adoptee support is the balm that heals the sorrow .

  16. Lorene Avatar

    I don’t need to leave The Primal Wound behind. I take it with me as I embark on my next life chapter. It’s a great book that provided the “why” behind my feelings and emotions. Of course there is more but it was an invaluable resource. I frequently recommend it to fledgling adoptees who are just embarking on their searches and reunions.

  17. Mary Son Avatar
    Mary Son

    ❤️ Thank you! Glad to find another adoptee who wants freedom from the wounds! Your words are a blessing!

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