What Adoptees Can Do with Mixed Feelings

Regulating Mixed Feelings

Dear friends, Yesterday, I posted statements that cause mixed feelings (painful feelings) in adoptees. Today, let’s talk about concrete steps for dealing with the mixed up, finger-over-the-blackboard feelings: Journal Record your current circumstances in a journal. Maybe call it your “finger-over-the-blackboard” notebook? Create Self-Portrait Or how about getting a huge piece of paper? Then, have someone trace your whole body.

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An Adoptee’s Search for the Missing Face

Finding the MIssing FAce

An adoptee searches for a face in a crowd that resembles her own. If we could only see the face of the lost birth mother/father, the hurt would magically disappear. The grief would be resolved and the life-long repercussions of traumatic adoption loss would be mitigated. Oops…adoptee fantasy. True, those who have found the missing face through reunion have experienced

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Why Do Many Adoptees Feel Guilty?

Get Rid of False Guilt

Dear friends through adoption, Many of us adoptees suffer from haunting guilt. Oh, we won’t tell you about it, but it’s there, like a sticky shadow. Guilt-Producing Beliefs Some of the things we feel guilty for are: YOU are responsible! (You were an unplanned pregnancy) You have no right to be alive You must justify your existence by helping others

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Detecting Trauma Triggers in Foster and Adopted Children

Dear friends through adoption, I write this blog post with caution, knowing that this type of trauma–sexual abuse– doesn’t happen in the majority of adoptive/foster homes. I’ve seen many parents weep with love for their children. They would rather suffer than have their children suffer. But, for the loving, weeping parents, I beg you to not tune out to this

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Thinking Logically Seems Impossible for Attachment Disordered Kids

Are you kidding? Logical thinking.

Dear friends through adoption… Last week, Bob and I were painting my office. I got all the color chips and showed him the best colors. Within two hours, I changed my mind, and by the next morning, again. The following day, other colors and then back to the first. “I just can’t track with you!” Bob said, leaving the room,

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The Game Changer for My Attachment Disorder

Trauma=Smoke Alarm in Brain

Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your smoke alarm? Panic, right? Hasten to turn it off, right? Hate the loud, disturbing sound, right? Adoptees and foster children live with a smoke alarm in their brains everyday, but no one knows it. Therefore, it doesn’t get turned off. It goes off the moment

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How To Get Past Kid Defenses When “Talking Adoption”

Dear Parents, Sometimes your best-laid plans for talking adoption with your kids get sabotaged! Right? You’ve thought deeply about what to share/ask, determined the best time, and perhaps even rehearsed possible scenarios and outcomes. The pre-planned time arrives and you ask, “How about talking about adoption for a few minutes?” Many parents hear responses like these: • “Nope.” Child then

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La Historia de Moises

La madre de Moisés, Jochebed, siente sus primeros dolores de parto una tarde. Al llegar el atardecer nació un hermoso niño. Era una experiencia dulce y amarga al mismo tiempo para ella, porque la muerte estaba asediando en su puerta. El Faraón, el malvado rey de Egipto, desesperado para no dejar a los israelitas florecer y al final quitarle su

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