Category: adoptee self-esteem
Hell yes, adoptees are angry! Excuse my French…I’m just a veteran adoptee, finally free from anger’s choking grip, and ready to hunt bear on behalf of my fellow adoptees and foster kids who believe that their anger might be a life sentence. Up until now, most adoptees have believed there’s no hope for resolving overwhelming and uncontrollable anger issues. They accept “I’m just an angry person” misbelief. Many adoption agencies hid the topic of our anger, hoping eager, naive, prospective parents won’t find out about it before homecoming day. Truth be told, the majority of adoptive and foster parents are terrified of adoptee anger, for they can’t spank it away, teach it away, woo it away, or love it away. It’s no wonder adoptees haven’t learned to find freedom from anger issues. The solution wasn’t in sight.
When I was asked to be trained as a Teaching Leader for Bible Study Fellowship in California, I felt so insignificant compared to the other woman who got training with me. One time during that week-long, arduous training, another woman peeked inside the car where I was seated and said, “You are just as good and talented as her.” It didn’t help me and made me even more nervous that others could tell I had no self worth. I thought I was hiding it. Then, at the end of the week, I was sure that I was going to be rejected as a Teaching Leader. I hadn’t “performed well” and the challenges were almost more than I could meet. For sure, someone who’s not living their “A game” should be rejected. But, I wasn’t. I’m sure much of my anxiety resulted from this intense experience. That’s the thing with many adoptees like me. We can appear stronger than we really are, and when others put us into places of leadership, it intensifies the pain.