Category: Higher Power
My new podcast-20 THINGS ADOPTION-announces good news for the world of adoption! Adoptive moms and traumatized adoptees can now find freedom–adoptees from their painful past and adoptive moms from their painful self (you know, the self that reminds you you’ll never have what it takes to meet the needs of your adopted child). As an adult adoptee in her seventh decades of life, I experienced this freedom nearly three years ago. You see…I was painted into a corner circumstantially and emotionally. Someone in my current life wounded me in a way I didn’t deserve and I hated that person. Through research I learned that I could either forgive the person me or go to the Stress Center. The hate was so strong and I couldn’t get out of the situation, like I was squeezed in a vice.
When I was asked to be trained as a Teaching Leader for Bible Study Fellowship in California, I felt so insignificant compared to the other woman who got training with me. One time during that week-long, arduous training, another woman peeked inside the car where I was seated and said, “You are just as good and talented as her.” It didn’t help me and made me even more nervous that others could tell I had no self worth. I thought I was hiding it. Then, at the end of the week, I was sure that I was going to be rejected as a Teaching Leader. I hadn’t “performed well” and the challenges were almost more than I could meet. For sure, someone who’s not living their “A game” should be rejected. But, I wasn’t. I’m sure much of my anxiety resulted from this intense experience. That’s the thing with many adoptees like me. We can appear stronger than we really are, and when others put us into places of leadership, it intensifies the pain.