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I AM TERRIFIED OF REJECTION Online Adoptee Bible Study

The Monkey on the Adoptee's Back is Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection is like a monkey on the backs of many adopted kids, teens, and adults. Most tend to see rejection when none was intended. The turning around instead of being face to face. An unanswered text. Being stood up for a date with a first parent.

Is this a permanent disability? Will adopted kids ever get over it? Can they throw the monkey off their back?

Only with hard personal work can we heal.  However, healing doesn’t mean that the tendency goes away. No. It means that we aren’t triggered by it anymore.

It is possible! I’m writing a book about it right now.

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So, on to our friend, Moses.

The Story of Moses 

Exodus 3 

Since God had seen every part of Moses, he fully expected God’s bar of justice to come down on him hard. It seemed certain to Moses that God would declare him guilty for killing the Egyptian and therefore worthy only of rejection. 

This fear of rejection came from the primal wound of separation from Moses’ birth mother. No matter how loving the adoption plan, the disappearance of the birth mother translates to the baby as rejection. The infant carries this into all of life’s relationships. Moses’ fear of rejection also came from guilt—true guilt, for Moses truly had sinned when he murdered the Egyptian. In fact, he pursued a sinful lifestyle because he hadn’t loved God with his whole being every moment of every day. 

Much to Moses’ surprise, God revealed a specific plan for his life. A plan that would relieve the suffering of the Israelites and give them freedom. “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt” (v. 10). 

Could it be? Could it really be that God could and would use me to help accomplish his will?” Moses may have said to himself. 

All of a sudden Moses’ mind flooded with fear. 

Have you ever wondered if the reason your birth mother relinquished you was because 

you were a bad baby? Explain. 

How Moses Saw God 

Moses may have thought that God was “the big fly swatter in the sky,” knocking you down whenever you do wrong.” Moses had an incredibly guilty conscience. More than anything, he needed forgiveness for his sins. Moses couldn’t provide it for himself. If it were possible, he would have done it long ago. He had come into the presence of Jehovah-Jireh, which means, “The Lord will provide.” It is a testimony to God’s deliverance from sin. What Moses didn’t know was that God required that the blood of an unblemished lamb be shed for the forgiveness of sins. The sinner would slay the lamb, take it to the high priest, who would then take it into the tabernacle and ask forgiveness from God. Years after Moses died, God himself, in the Person of his Son, became the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world. “The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, ‘Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world” (John 1: 29)! 

How You See God

Please refer to the list of Names for Jesus in Scripture in Appendix B and list three to five names for God that stand out to you. It will be encouraging to look back when finished with the workbook and see how your perception has grown!

You can record your words here:


Learning about Adoption 

Robert S. McGee, Pat Springle and Jim Craddock write in Your Parents and You, “For better or for worse, parents represent God to their children. A child’s emotional and spiritual foundations are to be provided by them. Most of all, parents are to model the love and strength of God to their children. They are responsible for portraying his reliability, his unconditional love, his acceptance and his purposeful discipline.” 

Putting My Feelings and Needs Into Words 

  1. Do you “read” rejection into circumstances and relationships when there is none intended? (Example: a closed door for a part in a play, an unanswered telephone call or letter, your mail icon on your computer indicates you have no mail.) Name specific circumstances when this has occurred. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

  1. What would you feel like if you, like Moses, met God personally? Would you feel guilty or peaceful? Why? 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

  1. Do you ever reject others before they can reject you? If so, give examples.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Writing a Letter TO and FROM My Birth Mother 

  • Write a letter TO your birth mother about your fear of rejection, if you struggle with this. If not, write her about what was meaningful to you in this chapter. 
  • Write a letter FROM your birth mother, expressing feelings and thoughts you believe she may want to convey to you. 

 Letters TO and FROM My Birth Mother



Digging Deep for Answers to my Adoption Questions 

  1. Read John 1:11. Who in this verse experienced rejection from family? How does this make you feel? 

  1. What is the antidote to the fear of rejection and the need to be perfect? See I John 4:18.

  1. Where can you find this antidote? See Jeremiah 31:3.

  1. Read Isaiah 41:9-10. What is the message adoptees need to hear when afraid of rejection?

  1. What is the “take away” from this chapter? How will your life change?

Thoughts, Insights, Goals and Prayers 


A close companion of the fear of rejection is a struggle with self-esteem. We will cover that topic next. 

 

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Why One Adopted Person Is Thankful for Tough Times

Seeing Growth in the Midst of Suffering

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8: 38-39).

As children of God, we are all in the wonderful process of being healed by our Great Physician, Jesus. His healing can be evidenced in a new-found appreciation for life, as we learn to enjoy Him.

Webster’s defines appreciation like this: “To be grateful for; to value highly; to place a high estimate on; to be fully aware of; to prize; to exercise wise judgment, delicate perception, and keen insight in realizing the worth of something.”

This appreciation is like a scar, for it grows in the very place that pain once lived. Pain that was self-inflicted or caused by another. It’s like the gold that comes forth from the refining process, or the beautiful rose blossom that bursts for from the thorn-laden stem. Like Job after his suffering, we may confess, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (42:5).

As this writer took time to look back over the years, there came a new desire to praise God for the trials.

See if you identify with any of these:

  • I didn’t appreciate the acceptance of Christ until I had been utterly rejected.
  • I didn’t appreciate His strength until I allowed myself to become weak.
  • I didn’t appreciate His loyalty until another betrayed me.
  • I didn’t appreciate His grace until I fell flat on my face.
  • I didn’t appreciate family living close by until they moved far away.
  • I didn’t appreciate the Lord’s belief in me until I knew the sting of persecution.
  • I didn’t appreciate the Light of the Lord’s countenance until I sat in darkness.
  • I didn’t appreciate the little things in life until I looked death straight in the face.
  • I didn’t appreciate the healing Balm of Gilead until I had been deeply wounded.
  • I didn’t appreciate the comforting shoulder of a friend until my heart had been broken.
  • I didn’t appreciate the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit until I felt totally abandoned.
  • I didn’t appreciate intimacy with God until I spent time in the desert.
  • I didn’t appreciate the hope of heaven until I buried a loved one.
  • I didn’t appreciate the privilege of prayer until I had no one to whom I could turn.
  • I didn’t appreciate Jesus as Lord until my life became unmanageable.
  • I didn’t appreciate Jesus as Life until I came to the absolute end of my own resources.