Tag: adoptee identity
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Identifying With Fellow Adoptee Anne With An “E”
Most adoptive parents will identify with the challenges of raising an adopted child. The mother and father were brother and sister and had never raised children. They made typical mistakes that almost all parents do, but the challenges were often magnified because they had no backstory, no parental training or education, and no awareness that…
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“I Can Now Take Rejection In Stride” Online Adoptee Bible Study
Ronald Nydam, Ph.D., in an article entitled “Doing Rejection” appearing in Jewel Among Jewels Adoption News said, “The task of all adoptees is to finally relinquish their relinquishment; that is, to really accept the decision of the birth parents to carry out their plan for adoption. If the original relinquishment is not relinquished, the adoptee…
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I AM CONFUSED ABOUT MY IDENTITY: Online Adoptee Bible Study
One night at a dinner party I listened as my host mused about his children: his son looks like his grandfather, but does not have his disposition; his first daughter has his reserved and deep nature; his second daughter looks like his wife’s brother and shares his interest in science. Without being conscious of it,…
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Dear Younger Me…the adopted or fostered me
Getting young or adolescent adoptees to hear truths about adoption is nearly impossible. It’s like they are deep beneath water and even though we scream so that they can hear, they often can’t. This letter is from an adoptee in her 7th decade to her unborn self. Perhaps fellow adoptees can find validation through Sherrie’s…
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What It Feels Like to Be A 12+ Year-Old Adoptee or Foster Kid
This is another wonderful article from JEWELS NEWS, written by Samantha Jones, Fall 1997 Issue. Hello, my name is Samantha and I am 12 1/2 years old. I’m Afro-American. I’m adopted. I’ve been with my adopted family for about eight years now. Being adopted to me means being with the permanent family. Sometimes I wonder…
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Adopted Kids Learn What They Live
It is absolutely essential for adopted kids to learn positive things from parents. Positive things that will fill holes of low self-worth, feelings of not belonging, and second chances when they make mistakes. So much of adoptee behavior depends on what is learned in the home.
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How To Explain Adoption to Your Adopted Child
There is an art to telling adopted children their story. It is a certain way that snuffs out toxic shame and helps us adoptees go on after a trauma or multiple traumas. It truly is an art. Without the right artful approach, your child may silently reaffirm the lie that “my life is a mistake.”…
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Should Adoptees Individuate from Birth Moms, Too?
As an adoptee, I learned how to fly the nest from my mom and dad through adoption. But, have I ever flown the nest from my birth mother? This is another step in establishing an adoptee’s unshakeable identity.
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Who’s In Charge of Adoptee Self-Esteem?
When adoptees experience rejection when reuniting with birth relatives, it is a game changer. A choice must be made.
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I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be
The late Betty Jean Lifton, author of Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, describes the adoptee’s growing awareness of his desire to know more about his biological family as an awakening: “The act of adoption puts us under a spell that numbs our consciousness. When we awaken it startles us to realize we might have…
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Adoptees Ready to Launch?
Children want and need to become their own persons. Adopted kids seek autonomy, too, while at the same time needing a safe place to verbalize the conflicting emotions that being adopted often evokes. The task of individuating for the adopted child is unique as well as complex, for it involves the dual-identity once again. With…
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An Adoptee’s Wish List
If only this could happen, the gaping wound in my adoptee soul would heal. If only… • I knew the names of my birth parents • I could access my original birth certificate • I could see my birth mother’s face • I could know medical history • I could find my missing birth father…
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The Answer When Adoptees Don’t Know Their History
There certainly is a lot of adoptee anger and sadness regarding missing birth family history. Whether its the opening of our original birth certificates, owning only a certificate of abandonment from a foreign country, or finding negative and painful history, and even a tombstone…its all hard to process. In the midst of our finding identity…
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What Adoptees Deserve from Their Birth Mothers
Dear friends through adoption, Remember the metaphor of the Great Eagle and the eaglet? I’ll be the eaglet today and tell you how it felt when I stepped on to the wing of the Great Eagle. Remember…the pain of the nest was too much for me…I couldn’t stand it….I cried to get out of the…
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Adoptee Fantasies Must Wash Away
Dear friends through adoption, Oftentimes, we grow up believing fantasies about our birth family. Some imagine birth parents as a king and queen who live in a castle, concluding that life would indeed be wonderful when reunion occurs. I remember when I met with the intermediary that eventually found Elizabeth, my birth mother. We met…
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Good Little Adoptees Must Let Go of Pleasing
Dear friends through adoption, As I began searching in earnest for my birth mother, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to let go of deep feelings of loyalty to my Mom and Dad. I was loyal to a fault, always wanting to please them and not knowing that beneath it all was attachment…
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Why Would You Want to Search for Birth Relatives?
Good morning, friends! I remember when curiosity was spilling over inside me! I had my birth mother’s name….Marjorie Elizabeth Perry. A real person. My fantasy mother was coming to life. Really? She was real? How could I not find her? I wanted to find her and reassure her that she had made the right decision in placing…
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Is Searching for Lost Birth Relatives Worth the Risk?
Dear friends, Before deciding to go full blast on our adventure, we must count the cost, don’t you think? See this precious little girl, dressed up as a detective? If we could see her heart, this is what she would look like. Most adoptees in the All-Adoptee Growth Group (all-adoptees@yahoogroups.com) say that they think about…