Tag Archives: adoptee identity

Dear Younger Me…the adopted or fostered me

Getting young or adolescent adoptees to hear truths about adoption is nearly impossible. It’s like they are deep beneath water and even though we scream so that they can hear, they often can’t. This letter is from an adoptee in her 7th decade to her unborn self. Perhaps fellow adoptees can find validation through Sherrie’s words and parents can make the letter age appropriate for their adopted and foster children.
A practical suggestion for parents of foster and adopted children may prove advantageous in delving deeper with your kiddos, teens, and adult children.

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How To Explain Adoption to Your Adopted Child

There is an art to telling adopted children their story. It is a certain way that snuffs out toxic shame and helps us adoptees go on after a trauma or multiple traumas. It truly is an art. Without the right artful approach, your child may silently reaffirm the lie that “my life is a mistake.” Some parents are scared to

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Should Adoptees Individuate from Birth Moms, Too?

As an adoptee, I learned how to fly the nest from my mom and dad through adoption. But, have I ever flown the nest from my birth mother? This is another step in establishing an adoptee’s unshakeable identity.

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I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be

The late Betty Jean Lifton, author of Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, describes the adoptee’s growing awareness of his desire to know more about his biological family as an awakening: “The act of adoption puts us under a spell that numbs our consciousness. When we awaken it startles us to realize we might have slept our lives away, floating

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Adoptees Ready to Launch?

Sometimes It's Hard for Adoptees to Say Goodbye

Children want and need to become their own persons. Adopted kids seek autonomy, too, while at the same time needing a safe place to verbalize the conflicting emotions that being adopted often evokes. The task of individuating for the adopted child is unique as well as complex, for it involves the dual-identity once again. With each step the adoptee takes

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An Adoptee’s Wish List

If only this could happen, the gaping wound in my adoptee soul would heal. If only… • I knew the names of my birth parents • I could access my original birth certificate • I could see my birth mother’s face • I could know medical history • I could find my missing birth father • I could experience a

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The Answer When Adoptees Don’t Know Their History

There certainly is a lot of adoptee anger and sadness regarding missing birth family history. Whether its the opening of our original birth certificates, owning only a certificate of abandonment from a foreign country, or finding negative and painful history, and even a tombstone…its all hard to process. In the midst of our finding identity with missing history, we need

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