Tag Archives: adoptee identity

Dear Younger Me…the adopted or fostered me

Getting young or adolescent adoptees to hear truths about adoption is nearly impossible. It’s like they are deep beneath water and even though we scream so that they can hear, they often can’t. This letter is from an adoptee in her 7th decade to her unborn self. Perhaps fellow adoptees can find validation through Sherrie’s words and parents can make the letter age appropriate for their adopted and foster children.
A practical suggestion for parents of foster and adopted children may prove advantageous in delving deeper with your kiddos, teens, and adult children.

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I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be

The late Betty Jean Lifton, author of Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, describes the adoptee’s growing awareness of his desire to know more about his biological family as an awakening: “The act of adoption puts us under a spell that numbs our consciousness. When we awaken it startles us to realize we might have slept our lives away, floating

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Adoptees Ready to Launch?

Sometimes It's Hard for Adoptees to Say Goodbye

Children want and need to become their own persons. Adopted kids seek autonomy, too, while at the same time needing a safe place to verbalize the conflicting emotions that being adopted often evokes. The task of individuating for the adopted child is unique as well as complex, for it involves the dual-identity once again. With each step the adoptee takes

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An Adoptee’s Wish List

If only this could happen, the gaping wound in my adoptee soul would heal. If only… • I knew the names of my birth parents • I could access my original birth certificate • I could see my birth mother’s face • I could know medical history • I could find my missing birth father • I could experience a

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The Answer When Adoptees Don’t Know Their History

There certainly is a lot of adoptee anger and sadness regarding missing birth family history. Whether its the opening of our original birth certificates, owning only a certificate of abandonment from a foreign country, or finding negative and painful history, and even a tombstone…its all hard to process. In the midst of our finding identity with missing history, we need

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What Adoptees Deserve from Their Birth Mothers

Dear friends through adoption, Remember the metaphor of the Great Eagle and the eaglet? I’ll be the eaglet today and tell you how it felt when I stepped on to the wing of the Great Eagle. Remember…the pain of the nest was too much for me…I couldn’t stand it….I cried to get out of the pain of the past…and then

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Adoptee Fantasies Must Wash Away

Dear friends through adoption, Oftentimes, we grow up believing fantasies about our birth family. Some imagine birth parents as a king and queen who live in a castle, concluding that life would indeed be wonderful when reunion occurs. I remember when I met with the intermediary that eventually found Elizabeth, my birth mother. We met for breakfast before the search

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Why Would You Want to Search for Birth Relatives?

Good morning, friends! I remember when curiosity was spilling over inside me! I had my birth mother’s name….Marjorie Elizabeth Perry. A real person. My fantasy mother was coming to life. Really? She was real? How could I not find her? I wanted to find her and reassure her that she had made the right decision in placing me for adoption. Adrenaline rushed

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Is Searching for Lost Birth Relatives Worth the Risk?

Dear friends, Before deciding to go full blast on our adventure, we must count the cost, don’t you think? See this precious little girl, dressed up as a detective? If we could see her heart, this is what she would look like. Most adoptees in the All-Adoptee Growth Group (all-adoptees@yahoogroups.com) say that they think about their birth mother every day.

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