BLOG

Regulating Mixed Feelings

The Special Needs of Adopted Children

Adopted children have special needs that adoptive, first, and foster parents must learn  in order to become their child’s #1 cheerleader. Use this list as needed and as age-appropriate for discussing special needs with your child. You might say, “An adopted person wrote a list of her special needs. Would you be interested in seeing […]

Is my anger the problem?

What Feeds Adoptee Loss and Grief

What are we to do with this, friends? Can we educate ourselves about these topics and be willing to lunge forward into forgiveness? It would be scary, like standing on the high dive platform before deciding to jump in. But, oh, if we do, we will be washed clean from bitterness and healed from loss and grief. 

Rich Fantasies of Adopted Children

Sandcastles In Adoptee Hearts

How I identify with the message of the framed print above my bedroom table named: “My Sandcastle.” It pictures blue skies, a sandy beach, and a four-year-old girl straddling a two- foot-tall sandcastle. Busy at work, she slaps handful upon handful of wet sand upon her creation, oblivious to the seagulls flying overhead or the […]

Just like this distraught woman in the photo, adoptive Mamas Feel Helpless Over Adoptee Suicide and Low Self-Worth

What Shakes Adoptive Mamas To the Core

Just like the band’s drum major twirls a silver stick with two rubber ends, adoptive mamas must do much the same–always marching, moving forward, and directing. The two ends of her baton are adoptee self-worth and suicide, which in my adoptee mind, are untouchables. Mamas are ultra aware of this tension..in fact, hyper-vigilant. They hear about rising adoptee suicides and can’t imagine such pain coming upon their teen, or their family. Secretly, they may wonder if they were really meant to adopt. Was it a mistake?

marine2

50 Adoptive Mamas Have Marine-Like Hearts!

It takes something special to develop a Marine-like heart in the world of adoption. A person with a Marine-like heart has completed the hard work of getting free from his painful past or condemning self. Because he has nearly experienced death in this process, he has compassion for those that are hurting. The US Marines […]

This photo of a young woman looking pensive illustrates how adoptees and foster kids might be perplexed about their painful past. Sherrie offers a fresh perspective on suffering and choice.

Why Some Adoptees See Their Mom As An Enemy

I’ve wondered for years why I saw Retha, my Mom through adoption, as my enemy. Why did I love getting under her skin? Why did I seek other Moms for advice, giving her a cold shoulder? Why did I delight in making her mad? Why did I hate her? Was it me? Was it because basically I’m a bad person?

11

Understanding One Adoptee’s Passion

A fellow adoptee friend told me that many adoptees and foster kids have a ! (exclamation mark) following their name. At first, I didn’t know what she meant, but as she elaborated the meaning, Anne of Green Gables came to mind. If you’ve watched this fascinating series, you would likely agree that Anne has a certain zest for life. Everything she says and does almost paints a picture with words. For those that have seen the movie, recall how Anne would burst into a song or fantasize about being a queen? I can identify with her. I feel things deeply, which is a plus. When I enthusiastically praise another for some reason, others often judge me as a drama queen.

I don't want to dance with you

Dancing With Your Adopted Child

And as a child, I would step on her toes really, really hard. I mean, I loved to step on her toes. It gave me a lot of pleasure. I know that’s really, really sad, but when you understand the reason why that was occurring, then you won’t blame me, or shame me. But, that is a dynamic that happens to a lot of adoptive parents, foster parents and their kids.

The purpose of this photograph is to demonstrate the loveliness of an adopted child.

What I Didn’t Know About Being Adopted

What I’d like to share here is “what I didn’t know about being adopted.” This first post is about my beginnings.nLooking back, I see an adorable child sitting on the porch steps. With leather high tops, a pink dress and matching bonnet, I cuddled a well-worn Raggedy Ann. Dark hair cascaded from beneath my bonnet and long eyelashes adorned the brownist of eyes. Who couldn’t love such a child? Wouldn’t her mother and father? Wouldn’t her extended family? Just looking at toddler me on that sunny day, you’d have no clue that my life began in darkness and that a catastrophic message was embedded in my brain. 

I Like Syrup on Spaghetti

Adopted Kids May Identify with Buddy At Christmastime

Dear all kinds of parents, fellow adoptees and foster kids… Every year, I watch the Christmas movie called ELF, mostly because my beliefs about Christmas, myself, and others in my story–adoptive mother and dad, ring familiar. We can use the movie as a springboard for discussing the challenges of Christmas that many adopted and foster […]