Tag: rejection
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The Unexpected Variables of Adoptive Parenting
Who can even imagine how Retha felt? Perhaps, like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on her? She must have shaken in shock, like we all do when something unfathomable happens. It would be easy for her to read rejection into my screams. “Maybe my baby doesn’t like me, or maybe I’m not…
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Dancing in My First Mother’s Shadow
Almost every adoptee has a shadow following her. It’s the shadow of the First Mother. The shadow may be fleeting, fear-producing, fierce, or formidable. It all depends, for each adoptee and First Mother are unique, one of a kind. But, one thing is certain–adoptees who experience rejection from their First Mothers can dance again.
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Why Some Adopted Kids See Their Adoptive Mom As An Enemy
When your child connects with you for the first time, he brings with him all the “faces” of other moms that were in your role before. So, if your child is a newborn, it is the first mom’s face. If a school-age child removed to foster care, the first mom’s face. If a teen coming…
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How Many Adoptees Are Rejected by Birth Relatives?
Why do birth relatives reject some of us? Does our physical appearance remind our birth mothers of our fathers, whom they have no positive feelings for? Does seeing us trigger issues in them that they have never dealt with? Are they emotionally and mentally unbalanced? Or are they just downright mean? What does it mean…
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Why I Rejected My Adoptive Mom’s Gift…and Her
The pain involved in the adoptive mother/child relationship is deep and often seems impossible to normalize. The child usually acts out of anger at the mom and the mom is hurt terribly. Sherrie Eldridge encourages adoptive mamas to know the intrinsic value of their love to their children by showing her own mom’s determined love…
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Remember This When You’re Labeled Bastard or Illegitimate
This young woman in this photo illustrates the paralyzing fear of being exposed as an illegitimate or bastard child. Even in church, mean words are uttered and Scripture is twisted at times. Sherrie offers a strategy for adopted and foster kids to overcome deep-seated shame.
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How Can Adopted and Foster Kids Grow In Spite of Parental Rejection?
News flash: Adoptees and Foster Can Grow in Self-Esteem in the Midst of Parental Rejection My heart breaks for fellow adoptees and foster kids who are being rejected. It doesn’t have to a monumental, in-your-face rejection, but it is rejection nonetheless. For example: Teen waits for birth parent to pick up for movie date but…
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How Adoptees and Foster Kids Can Prepare for Birth Parent Reunions
An adoptee’s or foster kids’ reunion with birth family members can seem like a milion emotions all at once. It is easy for the reunited adoptee or foster child to feel overwhelmed, like a loser and a victim. Some say you can’t prepare for an adoption reunion, but adoptee veteran Sherrie Eldridge begs to differ.…
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Should Adopted and Foster Kids Keep Trying After Repeated Birth Parent Rejections?
Some therapists call it “repetition compulsion.” That means trying and trying with the same results. We adoptees and foster kids sometimes fall into this when we are rejected by a birth relative. We keep trying to make things better, but the birth relative keeps rejecting or abusing us verbally. What can adoptees and fostered kids…
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Dear Younger Me…the rejected adopted or foster me
Society doesn’t talk much about adoptees and foster kids being rejected by birth family members. It is more common than you may think. When I was rejected by my birth mother after our reunion, it was the year 1993. Back in those days, adoption literature was sparse and I couldn’t find anything that talked about…
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Who’s In Charge of Adoptee Self-Esteem?
When adoptees experience rejection when reuniting with birth relatives, it is a game changer. A choice must be made.
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Mother’s Day Tips for Rejected Adoptees
When I returned from my reunion with my birth mother twenty years ago and called to thank her for the visit, she announced to me that she wanted no more contact. Twenty years ago, there wasn’t anything written about this experience and I felt so ashamed and was sure the rejection was because of something…