Adoptees and foster kids have every right to be angry. We’ve been kicked around, abandoned, misrepresented, ignored, shunned, marginalized, orphaned, and sent away with few belongings in a black trash bag.
Hell yes, adoptees are angry! Excuse my French…I’m just a veteran adoptee, finally free from anger’s choking grip, and ready to hunt bear on behalf of my fellow adoptees and foster kids who believe that their anger might be a life sentence.
Up until now, most adoptees have believed there’s no hope for resolving overwhelming and uncontrollable anger issues. They accept “I’m just an angry person” misbelief. Many adoption agencies hid the topic of our anger, hoping eager, naive, prospective parents won’t find out about it before homecoming day. Truth be told, the majority of adoptive and foster parents are terrified of adoptee anger, for they can’t spank it away, teach it away, woo it away, or love it away. It’s no wonder adoptees haven’t learned to find freedom from anger issues. The solution wasn’t in sight.
However, I’ve found the solution and am leading the pack toward freedom for anyone that wants to follow. Stick with me, okay? Hold on tight, grip the saddle, and prepare for a ride you never knew existed. As you might have surmised, this will not be a feel-good read. No warm fuzzies or heart shaped emojis. No steaming bedtime tea and cookies.
What I’d like to share today? Anger is a gift, not a curse.
For parents: Validating anger helps your child develop deeper self-awareness.
And…adoptee anger must be validated. Parents, jump in here…ask your child about the following anger items:
- I have a right to be angry.
- We’re all angry because we’re all hurt.
- It’s not our fault.
- My first family kicked me to the side of the road and went on with life.
- My parents don’t “get it.”
- Crude comments are true expressions of my identity.
- My non-adopted friends aren’t as angry as me.
- I don’t belong in either family–first or adoptive.
- I’m not aware of my anger most of the time, but others are.
- Will i ever get control of my anger?
- Is there any hope for me?
Write to me here, fellow adoptees!