For years, I have struggled with what I believed was a character disorder. I can’t make up my mind because I just don’t have the ability to think logically. It affects every relationship in life. But, there is hope if we can identify and work together.
Dear friends through adoption…
Last week, Bob and I were painting my office. I got all the color chips and showed him the best colors.
Within two hours, I changed my mind, and by the next morning, again. The following day, other colors and then back to the first.
“I just can’t track with you!” Bob said, leaving the room, shaking his head. This tendency has been a huge stress between us over our 51 years of marriage. Yes, adoption is surely a lifelong journey.
Then, I proceeded to hit myself over the head with a Bible verse….let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”
Why couldn’t I do that? Was I a wimpy Christian? What would God think about my spinelessness, not only on paint colors, but lifelong choices? Would he reject me like my birth mother did at reunion?
For the first time I realize that this inability to think logically is symptomatic of reactive attachment disorder.
Later, with paint colors strewn over the floor, Bob and I talked about attachment disorder and reached a new understanding. Shame rolled off me, like water over Niagra Falls.
Just before choosing the paint, Bob held up different colors repeatedly and so patiently to help me decide.
I felt understood.
No shame.
We can work on attachment disorder as a team now…at least this symptom of it.
Oh, and by the way, God has a special place in his heart for those of us who struggle.
Love to all…
