Sherrie Eldridge

Lately, I find myself asking, “If you knew before you were born, would you have signed up for the life you’re living?

Would I have signed up for:

• Being an unplanned baby, called Baby X
• Not being able to see my birth mother’s face from birth until reunion at 47 years old
• Feeling ill at ease in any family or group context for years
• Hypervigilance. The doc who said I was ultra sensitive emotionally and even physically, yet never named PTSD. It just wasn’t associated with adoption.
• Moving multiple times internationally, which removed lasting friendships
• Experiencing birth mother rejection after reunion
• Hearing the doc say I have SLE Lupus
• Spending 10 days in the Stress Center

Who would want to sign up for these things?

Who would choose suffering instead of a problem free life?

For me, if God showed me the suffering I would face, I might not sign up to walk through it.

But, looking back, I certainly would choose exactly what has come my way.

For, the suffering has given me a:

• Song in the night.
• Purpose for my life that will last long after I’m gone.
• Trust that I’ve never been alone, even as a newborn in an incubator for 10 days.
• Unshakeable identity. I know whose I am in spite of two sets of parents.
• Worth. I know that God meets me in special ways that only I can understand.
• Faith. Knowing God is good is all I need in horrible times.

And, so the answer to my question is of whether or not I would show up and accept a painful past, the answer is YES!

I will  live to the max whatever comes my way.